At my elementary school, all of the students from all of the fifth-grade classes had to tell their teachers what they wanted to be when they grew up. They printed our answers in the yearbook next to our names and pictures. When going through my old yearbook, I found that we, as a collective fifth-grade graduating class, listed professions like athletes, actresses, fighter pilots, artists, doctors, architects, photographers, business owners, and everything else that you could possibly think of. As kids, it was so easy to think about the future because it felt so far away and nothing seemed impossible.
Here we are now, nine or so years later, making strides towards achieving whatever it is that we want to do in the future. The trouble is that the future isn’t so far away anymore. Every time when we walk into a class pertaining to our major, we realize just how close we are to being in the present of the future that we dreamed of so long ago. We’re about to reach our dreams. However, instead of being completely and authentically excited, I’m, more than anything else, terrified.
When I was little, I never understood Ellen Johnson Sirleaf’s quote, “If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.” Back then, nothing about my dreams seemed scary at all. It was as if I had no doubt in my mind that I was going to accomplish everything that I set my mind to. Now, just as the slightest hint that my dreams are really going to come true has revealed itself, I understand that quote more than I ever thought that I could and I have no idea why things have changed.
Maybe it’s the obvious reason. We’re not afraid of succeeding, but of failing. We’ve worked for at least four years, maybe even longer depending on when you decided that this is what you wanted to do, and to get out there and fail right at the gate would mean that we wasted all of that time on something that we weren’t cut out to do. No one wants to have a Rory Gilmore season five breakdown, where the top professional in her field of work tells her that she “don’t got it.” While we might not all react by stealing a yacht and getting arrested, that overwhelming fear of failure is paralyzing.
Maybe it’s something else, though. Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown. Wanting, hoping, and striving for this moment of success has been part of the normal for years and, suddenly, we’re not hoping for it anymore. Instead, we're living it. However, before it happens, we don’t know what the success is going to feel like. We can dream and imagine it, but we won’t know for sure. Maybe our expectations for the feeling of success were too high and we’ll be let down.
Maybe it’s the fear of not having a dream to work towards anymore. We had a dream. We achieved it. Now, what do we do? It’s not like the movies where, once they get the job, the guy, or solve the mystery, the screen goes dark and the credits roll. Our story isn’t over, so what do we do now? Flynn Rider makes it seem so exciting and wonderful when he tells Rapunzel that now she gets to go and find a new dream, but what if it’s not so simple in reality?
Maybe it’s the fear of starting a new chapter and officially becoming an adult. Despite a lot of doubt and, if you’re like me, a lot of tears, you actually did it. Now, you have to keep going. You can’t just stop now that you’ve achieved your dream. You keep going forward and that means constant change. While I don’t always agree with Sheldon Cooper on a lot of things, one thing that he’s not too far off about is, “Change is never fine. They say it is, but it’s not.” At least, that's how it feels in times of stress.
Maybe the most potent of any of the reasons is that we're afraid because we never thought that we could really do it, so the idea of succeeding seems unimaginable. Sometimes, there are dreams that are just that, dreams. There are dreams that you think about before you go to sleep, on long car rides, and while doing other mundane activities. Dreaming these dreams is calming because they're so big that it's unlikely that they'll ever happen. So, when they do happen, it's alarming, surprising, beautiful, and wonderful.
People may read this article and laugh at the fact that I'm not just passionate and thrilled at the idea of achieving my goals, but also terrified. I laughed the first time when I practically started hyperventilating after I thought about the notion of succeeding in the field of work I want to pursue, too. However, I'm not the only one who feels this way and I'm not going to invalidate my, and everyone else's, feelings just because it seems "silly" to other people. Change is exciting, but it can also be scary. I think that's what it all boils down to.
Promise me something. The next time when you're terrified about the future, just remember that it's what you've been waiting, working, and praying for. It's your moment and you can do this. Whether you're afraid of failing, the unknown, finding a new dream, being an adult, or of it all being a cruel trick that wasn't supposed to happen, it is happening. Embrace the fear, the joy, and the uncertainty. If you can't, just remember that Disney built an empire on the concept of dreams coming true, so, obviously, it has to be a good thing.
