Pink or blue? Tutus or trucks? Lashes or staches?
When a person reveals they are expecting a baby, often family, friends and even strangers will inquire about the sex. They ache to know this superficial piece of information; thus they ask: what the duck is it?
Recently, a trend for announcing the sex of unborn babies has gained popularity, known as a gender reveal. This fad can be executed in a variety of ways. Some parents may choose to host a party, while other couples may opt for photographs. Whatever the preferred route, the purpose is the same: creatively utilizing objects (think cake, balloons, fireworks, the like) to declare whether their child will be born with a vagina or a penis.
Personally, I disagree with the whole concept of gender reveals. I believe it encourages us to put our priorities in the wrong place. It's time to reevaulate where we stand when it comes to pregnancy and babies.
For starters, a gender reveal is not even a confirmation of what a child’s gender will be. The most it does is acknowledge what genitals it will have at birth. Sex does not equal gender. The focus is also clouded when the big picture is centered on the baby's sex. What about its health? Shouldn't the main concern be that the baby is healthy? It strikes me as odd that parents will claim a healthy baby is all they want, yet when the sex comes into play, they attempt to restrict their child to a world of pink or blue.
The main reason for doing a gender reveal is simple: it instructs people on what is (and is not) socially acceptable to buy for the baby to be. But why should the sex of a baby limit the clothes it can wear? Newsflash: You are allowed to dress your child however you please. Boys can wear pink and girls can wear blue without the world ending in rapture. Genitalia should also have no bearing on what toys we purchase. If your daughter has a liking for toy cars, buy some to race around the house. If your son likes dolls, help him pick out that perfect Barbie. Providing multiple options for toys and games allows kids to experience growth in all sorts of ways. And no, it means diddly squat about their sexual orientation.
Gender reveals also create a whole notion of expectations. As a society, we have these preconceived ideas of what girls should do versus what boys should do. We expect girls to be prim and proper, while boys are to be rough and tough. It is seen as normal for women to express their emotions, but men must subdue their feelings to be considered valid. I have heard countless parents say to their sons: “boys don’t cry” and “man up.” Mothers and fathers will frown with disapproval as they tell their daughters: “that’s not very ladylike.” The majority of people cannot accept that there are more than two genders, because the binary is so enforced and engrained in us. We have established these boxes, of “feminine” and “masculine” qualities. If someone does not fit into the box they are supposed to, then we shame them. When we don’t meet these expectations that are thrust upon us, we chalk ourselves up as failures, a burden that is not fair to anyone.
A baby’s body part is not at all indicative of their personality. You can learn more about them from observing how they behaved in the womb. Do they kick a lot? How do they react to voices? What happens when you eat? And after they’re born, how do they need to be soothed? How often do they cry? These are the important questions, the ones that offer answers and understanding.
Before deciding how to raise their child based on its sex, parents should be making the decision to love their kids, no matter what. They should want to celebrate all the milestones and achievements of their creation, not limit what they can accomplish based on something so superficial. Let’s leave the idea of gender reveals back with the other ridiculous social norms we have spawned, and leap forward into a future where we can all just be.
