I used to wonder why people rejected change and progress so much. Was it just a love for tradition that was passed on from parents? Mere stubbornness?
While these contribute to it, I've come to the conclusion that at the root of the rejection of progress is defensiveness.
I've found defensiveness to be a part of most conversations I've had about current social issues, whether it's me or someone else.
Let's take the example of climate change.
Expecting someone to go zero waste or to completely change their diet is a lot to ask of someone. It's a lot of work, and no one is denying that. While all actions, no matter how small, contribute to solving a problem, you have to keep checking with yourself and asking if your defensiveness is prohibiting you from taking any further action.
You can't let the fear of not doing enough prevent you from doing as much as you can.
Thinking of yourself is actually the opposite of what you have to do to be a part of social and environmental change. Focus on the problem itself and the actions you can take, not about your being. This change in your mindset will automatically make you more aware of everything you are able to do to help, instead of just feeling guilty.
If someone points out a way you could change your behavior in order to help solve an issue, unless they explicitly say something insulting, this is not an attack on your character. Critiquing one's actions does not necessarily say anything about one's character. We're imperfect by nature, and we constantly have to adapt to new information.
If you feel yourself shutting down during a conversation because you notice you're comparing yourself to someone else's seemingly altruistic choices, keep listening to them, and then take the time to think about it alone later. Feeling bad about yourself and avoiding the other person or topic won't help the situation at all.
Even if it is somehow made clear that the other person thinks less of you, forget about it.
They've clearly lost the point of their cause, which is certainly not to put others down. Advocates for a cause need to remember that education is key, not feeling morally superior. Don't be turned off by a cause just because you had a negative encounter with someone. It's not the victim's fault that someone was poorly raising awareness.
This is also a reminder to white folks to not tone police a person of color when engaging in any sort of conversation pertaining to racism. If you start to feel defensive in these types of discussions, ask yourself what way of thinking probably led to these feelings. You're most likely feeling this way because you ultimately care about the issue and want to do the right thing, which is what you should express in the conversation instead of blaming the other person for how you feel.
Most of us are just trying to make the world a better place in whatever way we can. Let's be kind and take the focus off of ourselves and onto the extremely dire situations at hand.
