There are a plethora of articles written on what students wish they had known at the beginning of their freshman year of university. Grazing through them, I found many of them to list little tips and tricks that the authors learnt through their own experience, and I briefly considered writing an article like this, but in the end decided not to.
How come? First of all, don't get me wrong, many of these articles are a blast. Any freshman can resonate with some of the listed universal struggles, like learning the perfect time to do laundry and how to handle the unexpected pangs of missing home. However, I also found that many of the articles dwell on the mistakes that the author made, the things that they wish they had known, and how they would have done things differently if they could re-do their year over again- articles filled with an overtone of regret.
This year has been a year of learning. It was a year of experiencing being away from home, becoming comfortable with being alone, dealing with feeling isolated, of learning how to develop a more independent mindset. And as with anything, learning involves growing pains. I would be lying if I said there weren't things that happened that I regretted. But regrets are what make things different the next time, make things better the next time. They still hurt to think about. But if you don't examine as to why you feel regret over a situation, you will probably end up acting similarly again.
I think it is natural for people to try and protect others from hardships that they had to go through. And yet through my own year, the regrets I have are some of the feelings I cling to the tightest. Not in an obsession with the past sort of way, but in a way that they make me determined to do better in the future. The regret I feel hurts, and sometimes I wish I could travel back in time and tell myself how things are going to turn out if I'm not careful. But by holding these feelings close and not trying to avoid the memory of these experiences, I am reminded of all that I have learnt through them. It is only through embracing my regrets that I am truly able to move forward and find closure from the painful feelings.
Stop rejecting your regrets and shying away from the mistakes you have made- look at them, face them head-on, be honest with yourself. Having no regrets is an almost impossible standard to live up to, one that society likes to advocate, preaching that by having no regrets true happiness and peace can be achieved. Instead, accept that you wish you could do things differently, but you are now choosing to learn from the experience, and hold it close so that you grow as a person. Because you will grow. And I think in the end, that's what matters the most.
So I guess in a way, I ended up writing one of those articles after all. Sue me.
