When I decided to choose a sorority, I wanted to feel at home. In high school I spent four years with the same people. They were my AVID family. They supported me, motivated me, and helped me grow as a person. I’ve realized as a person, that I need a backbone in order for me to succeed. It doesn’t have to be a national organization, and it doesn’t have to be people who come from the same background, or who look like me. When choosing a sorority, I was looking for like minded women with similar goals and ambition. I was looking for women to help me grow as a leader, I was looking for someplace to do good.
My freshman year I attended Fort Hays State University. I met remarkable women in my dorm. I met remarkable people throughout the University. People who shaped how I became. From my RA, to my roommate. What was scary was that I met these people, but it was not guaranteed that we would remain friends. Nothing bounded us except our word. I wanted to join a sorority. I wanted to find that support and backbone that guided throughout high school. I needed people to reassure me that I am heading in the right direction, that I’m not a failure, and to be honest I just needed women to reenact the friends theme song, because let’s face it, I can’t be Joey AND Ross.
I did my research on the three sororities. In my heart I wanted sisters to share my experiences with. I googled sorority experiences and they ranged from “life changing experience” to “Don’t do it”. I went to the informational meeting, and something didn’t feel right. For the first time in years, I walked into a room and felt uncomfortable; I felt like the black sheep. I chose not to go through recruitment. I walked into a room of blonde hair and fair skin. For the first time, I found myself comparing my skin. I was the only one to point out that I was a minority, but that’s all I needed. I looked at them and I looked at myself and I made the decision that I didn’t belong. I made the decision that I didn’t fit, so I never gave these women a chance. I always wonder what could have been. Instead, I found my home with my roommate and my floormates. I didn’t need to “pay for friends”. I could create those memories and lifelong friendships on my own. I found my home in Hays, and I was never going to leave them, until I did.
The summer before my sophomore year of college, I went through dark times. I had bad thoughts, I was constantly asking for guidance. I was struggling financially, I was going through a breakup, and I didn’t have my person there for me. I was truly alone. I made the decision to stay in my hometown. I need support from my family, I needed to take care of myself, financially and mentally. Looking back, I always wondered what life would be like if I committed to a sorority at my previous college. Would I have gotten the support I needed mentally? I decided to transfer to Wichita state. I knew how hard it would be to start over. I knew how frustrating it would be to find my place. I knew how much of a failure I would feel like for moving out, then moving back home with my parents. They supported me, but not in the ways I needed. I knew if I didn’t find something I would break. I knew I would fall apart. I was tired of being alone with my thoughts and feelings. I am capable of greatness, and it was time for me to prove that to myself.
What I didn’t know about Wichita State was that there were so many options for Greek life. I could go Panhellenic, which is mostly white, or I could go Multicultural something I have always thought about, but never thought I would get the chance. When I heard that Wichita State included the Divine Nine, I already made my decision. I was going to choose the sorority where I was comfortable with. Where I knew from the beginning I would fit in. I was excited to stroll, I was excited to learn about my history and my culture. With all the cases of police brutality and the black lives matter movement during the summer, it would only make sense to be in a place where everyone understood. In my head, joining PC, I would continuously have to explain my stance, I would continuously have to explain why my life mattered, and I simply did not want to. I wanted to be around women who just get it. Although my heart was with MGC, I decided too give both informational meetings a chance, so I would know I didn't regret making a choice.
I attended the PC informational meeting first and we spoke about how the week would go, and how choosing a house went. It was fascinating to see the process. Each chapter was big on values, and what you thought was important. Unfortunately, I still had doubts. The same fears I had from my previous school, became a reality again. I was making myself feel like the black sheep.
I was pointing my race out to myself. I made myself feel uncomfortable, and from that I knew I was not going to go through with recruitment again. I was unapologetically black, pro- black life matters, and in my head these women would not get it. I was judging them based on their looks, something I myself was against. I was a hypocrite, but I still did not want to give these women a chance. About a week later, I went to the MGC meeting and instantly seeing women who looked like me, made me feel more comfortable. They would understand the things I’ve been through, they would understand my choices and my affiliations.
I was comparing my skin and automatically assumed people who looked like me, experienced the exact same situations as me. I learned a little about their values, and felt a sense of a family atmosphere. What was interesting was I also noticed how inclusive they were. To join a black sorority, you didn’t have to be black. They didn’t look at race to pledge. Race did not stop anyone from making that choice.
From that experience, I refused to let my thoughts and how I felt interfere with my decisions. The only one who noticed my race was me. Race was not a determining factor for PC or MGC. You chose a house because you wanted to grow with people with the same values and the same mindset. I got the feel of MGC, but I needed to give PC a chance. I had to look beyond the surface to find my home, and if it didn’t work out with PC then I knew it was meant to be with MGC. I gave a recruitment week a chance, and after being soaked on in pouring rain, after getting blisters on my feet, and countless exchanges of tears and laughter, I found my home.
The women of Delta Gamma at Wichita State saw me for who I was, just like I allowed to see them. DG has led me to a diverse, ambitious group of women. When I expressed my concerns of being a minority or being different they reassured me that I was not the only one with reservations. What made it easier was seeing women from my high school, women who I looked up to, who I aspired to be. Delta Gamma was exactly what I was looking for when it came to values. The work they do with their philanthropy is hands on and life changing.
Weeks go by and I find myself getting closer with the chapter, I find women who share the same love of Chance the Rapper, and obsess over Michelle Obama just as I do. Some of the women I have seen at the informational meeting, are now sisters in the Chapter with me. They have become my backbone, my support system, and my motivation. The chapter allows me to grow as a leader, and although I would have grown as a person and in my values in any chapter at WSU, Delta Gamma has led me to amazing women that I have been searching for. In high school, I was set up with a group of diverse, and random people for my AVID class, two years later I was blessed with more to love.
Stepping out of my comfort zone, became my comfort zone. I am surrounded by unconditional love, and support. My fear was that i would become "that black girl", instead I became Taj, instead I became a voice for my beliefs and my opinions, instead I became valued. With the results of the election, I thought there was going to be hell in the house. I was nervous about what could happen. I was not going to back down on my beliefs, and I know many of them would not as well. Instead of out-lash, it was constant support. I never felt scared to open my mouth, I was never hesitant to speak my mind. These women are educated, open minded, and mature, something I admire, and look up to. That moment I realized that I don't belong anywhere but here.
I will never forget where I came from choosing PC has put me in a position to educate, and love more than I ever did before. I give perspectives and I gain new ones. Choosing DG will never change my identity, and how I see myself. My history remains the same, beautiful and strong. Stepping out of my comfort zone, was a difficult choice to make. I knew I would be successful in MGC, the women in there were strong, and ambitious as well. I catch myself thinking what life would be like in MGC all the time, and because of that I will always support their chapters. The men and women in MGC, put their hearts in everything they do, and anyone who chooses to join will not regret their decision. All chapters at Wichita State welcome with open arms, you just gotta put yourself out there, and find what you love.
