I've never been one to handle criticism well. I'm a musician, so as you can imagine, I've gotten a lot of criticism in my life, especially after performing on stage 3 times a week. I've always thought way too hard about what people think, and I could never figure out why. It never really made sense to me because I've always had an outgoing personality and I would go to any extent to make people laugh. But at the same time, I'm so afraid of rejection and I'm so afraid of being let down. Its almost like somewhere inside, I feel like if I can make someone laugh, its a sign of acceptance. But then after I part ways with the person or group I’m trying to impress, I start to wonder if they thought I was weird or if I should have just stayed quiet. It matters way too much what they thought of me.

But why do I care so much? I love what I do, and I love who I am. So what does it matter what other people think of me and my strange quirks. Those quirks are ultimately what make me who I am. As a matter of fact, I love everything about me that other people might find strange, and there is not a single thing I would want to change. Considering the fact I have such strong feelings towards these qualities in myself, I shouldn't even be bothered when people give me weird looks, because I love who I am. But I am bothered, and when it comes down to it, I blame society for making me feel as though I'm not worthy enough of having flaws, even though every single person in the entire world has flaws. Its ridiculous that we are all made out to feel as though we should be these perfect little people. Theres nothing “normal” about that.

To answer the ultimate question: "why do I care so much?" Honestly, I don't know. It doesn't make sense. But every day, I'm learning to let go and love myself for who I am not for what other people see me as. It sucks that I let other people's opinions of me influence how I see myself, but I know I’m not the only one who does that. Its something we need to work through and realize that its perfectly okay to be our complete selves. One day, I won’t care so much.