My entire life, I’ve always wanted to make people happy. If they asked me for a favor, I’d do it for them. I hate when people got mad or upset with me, and fear that I will say something wrong to them and cause them to stop talking to me. This is true with not only authority figures, but also friends, and it’s a bit of a problem.
The first time that my inability to speak up for something that wasn’t right cropped up was when I was 16 and working my first "real" job. I worked at a family-owned Mexican restaurant near my house, and answered phone orders and cleared tables. I was relatively young to be working in the food business and was intimidated by my boss. I dreaded going to work every weekend and even came home crying some nights because of some little mistake I made while working that night, whether it be forgetting to ask someone over the phone if they wanted guacamole with their quesadilla or accidentally dropping and breaking a glass.
The part of this job that I should have said something about, though, was the amount of money I was getting paid. It was severely under the minimum wage for my state. I was making $4.50 an hour, which is half of what I should have been making. I told myself that it was fine; the waiter I worked with tipped me some, but that didn’t make the salary I was making any better. I accepted this for months because I was so afraid to say something to my boss about it. The problem eventually got resolved, but the fact that I was not able to stand up for myself and fix the situation head on is a problem I continue to deal with today.
This problem has even arisen with some of my really close friends. When we would have our small disagreements, I would always be afraid that they’d get mad at me and stop talking to me. I was so afraid of losing their friendship that I would practically say anything to keep them from getting angry with me. I know it would probably have been easier to make a compromise and come to an agreement, but my inability to say what I really want has gotten in the way too many times.
The most recent time I can think of was when one of the managers at Lord and Taylor asked me to work inventory, which, by the way, is seven days in a row, starting at 7 a.m. and ending whenever we’re finished, and then switching a few days later to 6 p.m. until the early hours of the morning. When my boss asked me which days I could work, I just said all of them even though I didn’t really want to. My aunt, who works as a manager at the store, told me afterwards that I didn’t have to say yes to every single day. I hate saying no to people, and once again, my problem has come back to bite me in the butt.
I’m hoping that someday I’ll be able to get over this habit of mine and realize that it’s OK to say no sometimes, because it is. You don’t have to make everyone happy. You just have to do what’s best for you.
