I can accept going outside to explore so you can be one with nature. But when it comes to camping overnight, I shake my head in distaste. Why not sleep indoors? Buildings were built for that very reason. What is this fascination with temporary homelessness? And without showering? I am the first one to say that taking showers can be exhausting, but I understand their relevance. There is something about being outside that makes me feel like I am stuck.

I have worked at a summer camp for three years. Each summer, we have two day camping trip to Letchworth Park over by Geneseo, NY. July 2013 was when I went camping for the first time in my life. Once we were Geneseo bound, my anticipation grew to apprehension. Sure, camping may be fun in theory. You can just picture it. S’mores, laughter, and nature. But what I experienced was not as cheery.

I usually don’t mind long bus rides. It gives me time to think about whatever I wanted. I could solve a problem, or just daydream about whatever topic seemed interesting at the time. I cannot remember exactly what the topic of my daydream was. It was probably a mixture of Oh I am so great and why can’t everyone be like me? One can dream…am I right? But since I was in charge of these children I did not have much time to daydream. I know that kids can be antsy and sitting in a confined space can be agitating. But these kids took it to a whole other level. Sitting was assumed to be optional, talking became yelling, and finally, seatbelts became weapons.

We were about an hour from the campsite when it was time for lunch. So naturally, we stopped at a KFC and Taco Bell combined restaurant. We only strive for fine dining. We forgot to tell the kids what they could and couldn’t have. As you may have guessed, they all purchased pies and milkshakes with their mass amounts of chicken nuggets. Their faces full with excitement and grease. It was at that moment when I could see into the future. So many kids hyped up on sugar in a tiny bus. This moment I knew that the last hour would be an experience that would ruin my life. Yes, I am aware of how melodramatic I am being. I mean, I’ve got to make this story interesting somehow. Give a guy a break!

Okay, I’m back from my break. Wasn’t that funny. Aren’t transitions fun? Ah yes, back to the story of how nature is stupid and how children are evil. Lunch was almost over and children were playing with their complimentary toys. The whole debate going on at my table was who deserved getting the Mario cart and who should get stuck with Luigi. This debacle went on for what felt like years. Once it was time to board the bus, our camp director made the announcement that no one could bring any foods or drinks. A handful of kids, shocked by this rule looked at their unfinished milkshakes. Great terror was brought to their faces.

We finally stopped the bus at our location. What I was expecting to see was beautiful trees, greenery area with an altogether woodsy feel. But what I actually saw was a mundane satisfactory landscape. It looked like a regular backyard, but with extra bugs and dirt. We spent all this time and gas to end up in a place like this? Where is my refund? Oh right, I’m getting paid. Once I reminded myself of my employment I calmed down for a bit. I’m getting paid to make sure these campers are safe. We’re not camping for me…or at least we should have been.

Setting up the tents was a pain. We wanted to get the kids involved so we had them “help out” in the tent-building process. Unfortunately, my group consisted of all of the youngest kids. So they were there for moral support rather than for their strengths. After our tents were assembled we had the kids run around and participate in some sports. What a joyous occasion. You see, this is when you start reading in a sarcastic mindset. Just some helpful tips. What can I say, I’m just always helping others. Oh right, back to the joyous part. I was playing Frisbee with one of the campers when suddenly I heard “Shep kicked me!” Before I explain the situation, who named their kid Shep? Just and a second ‘e’ and have a grand ole’ time why don’t you. As I rushed to the scene, I saw that they were fighting over soccer. These kids take their sports much too seriously.

It was now time for some white water rafting. This was my first time doing this or any type of outside physical activity. What can I say, I’m a fragile flower who appreciates the indoors. Each counselor had about 5 kids with them on their tiny raft. I was paired with four of the freshmen boys and one of the trainers. Most rafts didn’t have the trainer, but I insisted because I am so physically inept. We would often get stuck on rocks due to the distribution of weight. Each time they’d look at me to suggest that I was the source of the problem and that I should get up. Because yes, I was the largest, and yes, I was the one always ending up hovering over the rocks. Now let me remind you, I was nervous about sitting in the raft in the first place so asking me to stand was like asking a giraffe to walk on water. I don’t know about you, but I’m guessing that it’s a tall order. Get it? Tall? Because giraffes are tall. Don’t lie to me…I know you got it.

Am I glad I did it? Sure, it was an experience. They always say you should try everything at least once. Except for drugs, that’s a big no-no. I was scared, nervous, and then okay. Think of my emotions like a parabola graph. I would include a picture of that graph, but I don’t have the energy and we should ALL know what they look like. I’m talking to you Janet. Whose Janet you ask? No one. I am actually just trying to fill the page. With unnecessary sentences. Unnecessary. Repetitive. Sentences.