Just last week, as I finished work for class in the lounge on campus, I overheard a conversation held by a group of two men and one woman. For about an hour, I tuned in and out of their discussion and laughter, before coming to the conclusion that the goal of their meeting was to have a successful study session.
From what I gathered—and I wasn’t eavesdropping; they were just loud—they were pretty good friends who were comfortable joking and talking to one another. I found myself hoping they would do well on their upcoming exams since nothing gets my heart all aflutter quite like the warm bonds of friendship on a cold Autumn day.
I should have known the howling of the wind was a sign of misfortune to come.
This group of three was getting up to leave, last good-natured chuckles dimming to sentimental sighs when the one guy says something about going somewhere into town. The other two agree until the woman apologetically says that she has to change really quick, but she’ll be right back.
“Oh, no problem,” the first guy says. “We can wait.”
“Are you sure? You really don’t have to.”
“Yeah, I mean—it’ll only take a few minutes.” He pauses and laughs. “Unless you’re like all those other girls who take an hour. Dude,” he directs his attention to their other friend and I can hear the grin in his voice. “My sister—she would take an hour just to do her makeup. I don’t get it!” The other friend laughs.
The woman awkwardly laughs along and I cringe from my seat across the room. If I was uncomfortable, I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling. “No, I’ll be out in five minutes,” she says, and that’s that.
What a phrase, I thought. Unless you’re like all those other girls. His sister? What other girls? On top of the uncomfortable generalization of women, this comment was completely unwarranted and rude. Here was their friend, apologizing for holding them back five minutes at the most, and they try and make her feel bad not because of that, but because she’s a woman.
Gross.
It’s terrible because, really, why are boys and girls like anything at all? These guys were at least twenty-year-old college students, so what sort of things are actual immature people saying? What sort of things are they getting away with saying?
Now that I think about it, maybe the worst thing about this situation was that this guy shamed his own sister for wanting to look nice. Yeah, that’s definitely hilarious, guys. I love making fun of my family members to make others feel bad too.
So, in case you’re like those guys and have said something akin to “Boys are like…” or “Girls are like…”, here are some reasons why that’s just not true.
1. Like... Who?
There are over seven billion people on planet Earth and counting, each individual coming from different cultures, families, and experiences. Despite this, do you really think that Jordan loves to play sports because he’s just too stupid to pursue a career in anything else?
The fact is that Jordan works just as hard in school as out on the field and you’re placing him in a nonexistent stereotype.
2. You’re Placing Limits on Individuality.
While it’s definitely easier to categorize similar things in our minds—it’s how our brains work—it’s not hard to realize there’s an individual in front of you. Hassan’s family is from the Middle East, but he’s lived in the United States his entire life. However, you’re nervous seeing him on your college campus, because, like everyone from the Middle East, he must be or is associated with a terrorist.
You’re wrong. Hassan is dutiful to his religion, wants to hone his talent in graphic design, and has never, ever been associated with terrorism in his life. He just wants to get his education and enjoy his life in college.
3. It’s Ignorant
Not only do you make others feel bad when you spout stereotypes and laugh, you’re acting very ignorant and inconsiderate. Also, it’s not funny. For example, Estela was a bit upset today, and you’re absolutely positive it’s “because she’s PMSing.” After all, Estela’s angry and snappish just like all girls when they’re on their period.
Well, first of all, PMS and menstruation are completely different things, so you already look like an idiot. Second of all, Estela’s grandmother—who she hasn’t seen in a while because of school—was admitted to the hospital yesterday, and she can’t see her. You’ve just placed her in a nonexistent stereotype.
4. It's Damaging
Having this sort of mindset clouds your judgment and hurts others more than just emotionally. Cameron just finished her job interview with you, and her resume is stellar, her background check is clean, and all of her recommendations have nothing but great things to say. However, like all women, you're sure she wouldn't perform as great in this managerial position as Michael, another applicant whose recommendations weren't as great and who definitely doesn't have as much experience as Cameron.
In this scenario, you're sacrificing the efficiency of your company and ruining a perfect candidate's chance at a great job on a baseless thought. Cameron deserves more than a dismissive glance at her hard work and accomplishments.
Not only does the generalization that comes from the phrase “boys and girls are like…” harm others emotionally, but it can also prevent someone from getting a job, being passionate about things they like, and even feeling comfortable in their own skin. It’s important to break away from this mindset and realize that there’s more to a person than simply how they’re sort of maybe like someone else in the world.
Because that’s simply not true.
