We have all questioned why it seems like Black people are always surrounded by only other Black people. Even I, as a biracial woman, have asked that. We find it uncomfortable. We stare. We avoid this loud, "frightening" group. We tell ourselves that they are self-segregating. So, why is it that Black people always come in a pack?
Until recently, I just couldn't wrap my mind around why this occurred. In fact, it wasn't until I met another biracial woman of similar raising that I understood this. It wasn't until I met one of current best friends that the light bulb went off.
One of the most valuable lessons that college has taught me is the importance of a solid support system. That is the exact reason that people of color surround themselves with people of similar appearance. These groups are not a loud object of self-segregation, but a constant support group. These are units of people that have endured the same struggles, prejudices and acts of hate.
Imagine a life where you cannot go to the grocery without being followed around the story. Picture a life where your heart races at the sight of a police car. Think of a life where you are habitually told, "You are really pretty for a Black girl," or "My family would kill me if a brought home a Black guy." Even better, think of a life of ambiguity. A life where people find it acceptable to ask, "What are you?" as if being a combination of races somehow makes you less human. Now, try to comprehend experiencing every single one of these scenarios on a daily basis but choosing to bite your tongue because it is easier to choose silence. Imagine being certain that you are being treated differently because of the color of your skin but being told you are paranoid. "Not everything is a race thing." Consider how you would feel if your feelings were continuously invalidated by others saying, "You are pulling the race card."
There is a point when we break. Psychologically, we get to a place where we cannot distinguish fact from opinion. Our minds become a jumble of emotions. We become paranoid about whether or not we are being paranoid.
Adding to our paranoia is a different kind of pressure that exists for the modern day person of color. This pressure is so heavy that we pray to never be the sole minority in the room. We are asked not to be the "typical" Black person but still be Black enough. We become an object of humor when our grammar is a little too good, or our hair is a little too soft as we are told that we "act White". It is expected that we not only be the voice of all people of color, but we enthusiastically speak on behalf of them every time race comes into the conversation.
I will not speak for all people of color, but as for me, I am beyond exhausted.
The reason Black people flock toward each other is that this is the only time when our guard can be down. It is the only time that we do not have to hold back our feelings. This is not segregation. This is relaxation.
The really sad part of all of this is that it took me over 18 years to understand the importance of creating relationships with other people of color. I now see the importance in this because there are simply some things that White people will never experience. As much as you may sympathize and want to understand, you will never participate in my reality first hand. I am not bitter because of that. Not in the least. What I do ask you is the next time you see a large group of Black people you do not scoff or roll your eyes at them. I know it is easy to categorize it as self-sabotage because for many years I stood among those believers, but I refuse to perpetuate this false notion.
This is not my attempt to make all White people in my life feel guilty for anything. This is not a not-so-subtle hint. This is not me saying that all White people are racist or bad. This is hope for a better understanding. This is a desire for acceptance.
As much as I do desire your acceptance, by no means do I need it.
I am not ashamed when I broadcast that I too need support. I feel no guilt in asking for help. I will not deny my identity or the difficulties that come with my identity.
Take what you want from this, as I'm sure you will. But know that no dirty look or hateful comment will make these relationships be of any less importance. If you are feeling really confident, ask yourself why it is that you feel so threatened by a group of people that find no shame in who they are.
