Every day, we hide behind a facade. This facade is the outward appearance we present to others. It is an editor of our personality and true selves. We use it to conceal our fears, and suppress our past experiences that made us feel like we weren't good enough. We use it as a shield to protect ourselves from getting hurt again. We use it to deceive people of the truth. We use it to manipulate other people's perceptions of us. We use it because we don't want to trust the wrong person at the wrong time. We use it because we are afraid. We are so shaken by the unsteadiness that accompanies our thoughts. This unsteadiness troubles our minds because at times our thoughts can't find direction. Without direction, we get lost. We find ourselves in a place that's not home. A place we misguided ourselves to that is quiet, and the silence is big enough to fill the room and swallow up our thoughts. It is a desolate place we have arrived to, and somewhere along the way, we lost sight of who we were.
That's because we spent all our fragile time living behind this wall. This superficial wall we built to avoid reality and dismiss the judgments people passed about us. We let time slip away through our fingertips. We lost our chance to form pivotal moments because we were scared we would be rejected. We were scared to face the truth. We were scared to face the person we love and admit what we have thought, and what those thoughts have enabled us to physically feel. Thoughts we have spent countless hours overanalyzing, thoughts we have spent many nights getting restless over, to the point where we wore ourselves thin... to the bones, that ache. That ache to feel because our minds wouldn't allow us to. Our minds were stubborn, arrogant, afraid to express the content in them. Our minds were at war with our body. The mind craved stimulation, but the body wouldn't act and the body craved to feel, but the mind resisted temptation. It is a battle of contradiction that cannot be won. That is, unless, we tear down this facade that really never gave them the chance to connect. The mind and body never became unified within our souls. And in the end, two separate souls never became one.
Two distinct, yet undeniably matching souls. One soul was afraid, while the other was willing. One feared being vulnerable. Yet, the other craved this person in their entirety. One soul didn't know because she was too afraid to hear and internalize this truth. The other watched from a distance. As one, could hardly define, let alone speak their thoughts aloud because of the unsteadiness, and uncontrollable fear of being rejected. One drove away from the other because one let her fear conquer. And now, not one day goes by where that one soul feels deep regret.
