A bad boy is usually perceived as unconcerned, aggressive, impulsive, and extremely unsociable. However, there is this “outward appearance” (smoker, drag racer, alcoholic, leather wearer, motorcycle rider) that people attach to the archetype. The idea of a bad boy can be subjective from person to person, because of perspectives on what risky behavior is. However, it is important to note that the questions, “why do girls like bad boys?,” and, “why do girls like men that treat them poorly?,” are not synonymous. A bad boy can be someone who partakes in risky behavior but treats people well, but there can also can be bad boys that are abusive. There can also be “nice guys” who are actually abusive to their partners and loved ones. The idea that all men who partake in some risky and impulsive behaviors treat women poorly is a false stereotype.
Almost every guy has asked this question, and almost every girl has been asked this question: “Why are girls attracted to the bad guys?”
Well, what is it that attracts females to males who are rebellious and treat females poorly? Although some males believe that the attraction to bad boys is foolish, this phenomenon can be explained by biological implications and social standards. The estrous cycle is physically depleting for females, making them physically “weaker,” while males tend to be physically “stronger.” Thus males are told to be both “strong” on the outside, and to destabilize their inner sensitivities. Males develop into dark, strong, and fearless figures, while females are told to be the opposite; submissive and quiet. Females who choose to pursue “bad boys” (as a result of this binary) are obsessed with their masculine personas, which are influenced by mass media’s interpretation of what a man should be. So the question is, “Should male strength be reflective in not just their physical strength, but their character?” The answer to this is, “Why should there be a golden rule that males must be emotionally strong, and females must be male-dependent?" This idea of females being only attracted to “tough guys” hurts both males and females. Both sexes are victims to a patriarchal society.
Males who treat females poorly
Many socially dependent females wish to gain self-confidence via the affection of a male suitor. When males treat such females poorly (through verbal, physical, and psychological actions) and lower their worth, these females naturally wish to regain their value. Thus, these females pursue males who treat them poorly, and they do so because it is not often that this “bad boy” will treat anyone kindly. These females want to be the ones who change this type of male attitude or be that special person who wins the affection of the unaffectionate. Furthermore, "strong and tough" males may show their emotional sides or use their strengths to better society, which makes females more curious about "breaking open male sensitivity." Take, for instance, movies such as “Rambo,” “A Walk To Remember” or “The Outsiders.”
The “poor-treatment” bad boy persona is also related to males with womanizing natures. When males are able to capture the attention of several females, there is a compelling female-against-female competition, similar to how people would fight for male attraction when males in civilization were killed in war. Those who capture the attention of the womanizer may see themselves as “achievers."
Males who appear bad on the outside
Another way to analyze this issue is to observe a female's desire for adventure, mystery, and excitement. Some females want males for “sexual or emotional pleasure,” or for the means of “showing off” their partner. This becomes an issue that is more personality driven than gender or sexuality driven. This is not only a female, but also a male issue--because both males and females can fall into the categories of “adventurous” or “adventure seeking.” There are also several people attracted to the “gangster” or “playboy” lifestyles.
Conclusion
So when males are “softhearted” or “damaged goods,” living up to social expectations of being bad mannered or simply rebellious can be a problem. However there are many females who do not want tough or physically and emotionally abusive men in their lives. For many, a good life partner is someone who is able to smile through harsh times, not blame the partner for having flaws, and someone who is sweet, kind, intelligent, and warmhearted. It is okay for both males and females to be attracted to people who live freely, romantically, and love the journey that life is, but there must be boundaries to the idea of living with a “tough guise” due to the personal risks involved with doing so.
Disclaimers:
- All men referred to in this article are those who were born and identify with being male. In some societies, males are constantly told to be both physically and mentally strong, and to unwillingly develop tough personas. Although not all men fit the description outlined by this oppressive system, this is a problem that lots of males are subject to.
- This article refers to the idea of bisexual, pansexual, and heterosexual females being attracted to the "bad boy" image. However, this is both a sex (biological) and gender (sociological) issue.
- Female weakness is not in terms of female pain threshold, which is the flaw in many social theories about males being stronger, hence the reason to note this idea of males having to exert dominance is a more social than biological issue.
- NOT all females like “bad boys”--the abusive or the outwardly “bad” ones.
