Spring is well past sprung, and the allergies have come back for another round. Well maybe, it’s debatable if they ever left from the last round, if we’re being totally honest. You know people say it’s the pollen of all the plants blooming after a long winter, except who’s allergies stop after that? Who ever they are, they should share whatever magic it is that they have up their sleeves. They’ve been holding out and letting the rest of suffer for long enough. We have a common enemy here, am I right?
This year at least, I have been lucky to not have been hit by the truck that normally slams into and drives over my body every year. Yet. Usually, as I’m sure most know, this truck runs on no man-made schedule. And there is no way to predict how many times it will back up over your sniffling face. It’s not something we can fight either, every year we remember this isn’t about an artillery from our medicine cabinets; this is about endurance. Survival. How many mornings of bloodshot eyes impervious to any eye drops, cement-snot crusted nasal cavities, or voices that someone let the air out of can we handle before we call in sick to work or school? How much can we handle before we let these sinus-headache-causing bandits get the best of us.
Sure, these allergies pack punch, but I say we just go in and metaphorically rip whatever pollen and whatever friends-of-pollen are hiding in our respiratory system right out. They need what’s coming to them, all the innocents who have been sneezed on and all the abused humidifiers lost in the midst of battle need retribution. Vengeance, really. Especially for yourself, come one, did you really want to drink all that tea. No. What about how you didn’t even ask for this? It’s not like you went out and rubbed your face in a field of wildflowers or used the pollen to season your soup! I certainly didn’t! It’s high time we kick these puffy-eye-causers and throat-swellers as far out and away from us as possible. Somewhere that we can be assured they’ll never bother us again. The sun, perhaps?
Well okay, maybe we shouldn’t be ripping anything out of our own bodies, even if it’s only figuratively. Maybe allergy season isn’t as treacherous as it feels sometimes (all the time). Maybe the best solution is to just endure and to be better than our enemies. Because there are a few benefits to allergy season, like staying home does give you more time to binge watch your long list of tv shows you need to catch up on. And who really wants to go to work or school. Everyone does sound funny and we can all sing better. Maybe better isn’t the best word, but I would say it’s definitely more...interesting. So in the spirit of allergies that make everyone groggy and half-dead a majority of the time, challenge your friends to stay awake with an impromptu, allergy-voice karaoke contest.
