A big part of who we are is made up of life experiences, the way we are raised, every relationship we encounter, but most of all our self-identity. As grow up, I believe everyone goes through a time of figuring out who we are so that we can reflect. When we reflect, we have the opportunity to modify ourselves into the person we want to be. In discovering ourselves, it can be difficult and many people that I have talked to about this have described this phase as one of their darkest times.

Life in general is tough, no doubt about that. Growing up we learn the world is not a very nice, easy place and reality tends to hit hard. Staying comfortable in life is not an option, because sooner or later, someone or something will knock us off our feet. You might be acquainted with this already and if not, you probably will know soon. As things change in our lives, we change right along with it. You are not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. We experience things every minute of our lives and each of those experiences constantly change us whether we are aware of it or not.

Proverbs 13:20, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” The people that surround us that surround us are a big part of who we are. Their presence, their role whether big or small, shape our character. The more we spend time with someone, our personalities become more like one another. A great example of this would be the movie Mean Girls, the main character Cady is this new and as soon as she begins to spend time with the “plastics,” she becomes more like them. She begins to speak, dress, and act more like them. Believe it or not, this happens to each one of us. Take a moment to think of all the friends you have had throughout the years. Have you seen them lately in person, maybe seen them on social media? How different are they? How different are you from the time you were friends? It is crazy, in my case I can name the different phases I was going through by the friends I hung out with.

Although, our friends are not the only ones that define us, there is more to our lives that make us different from one another. Apart from the time we spend with our friends, we encounter many other people and even if they stay stranger, I believe their presence can have an effect on us. Did that stranger make you angry? Happy? Maybe they made your day with a smile? You may not remember their face, but as your reading this you are probably thinking of a moment where someone’s presence made you feel a certain way. It is quite incredible to think these small, intricate moments can change us, but they do because feeling of everyday is part of who we are.

Speaking of feelings, our pain and failures have a lot to do with who we are. Heartbreak, everyone with a broken heart changes. We fall, break down and build a wall to avoid that heart felt pain. We learn from pain and we become stronger through our weaknesses. From each failure we can either let it always be a weakness or we can conquer and become stronger. As humans, it is nature that we experience, learn and adapt to our surroundings. It is how we cope with these lessons in life that make us different through perspectives. As a personal advice through my personal experience, although it may be easy to bottle our emotions deep within, sooner or later those emotions will get shaken and it will explode. The best thing to do is talk about it to someone you truly trust, even if they have nothing to say, I promise just being able to talk about it will get some weight off your chest.

Lastly, a big part of who we are is our parents. To many of us this can be a touchy subject and to others you are lucky. If your one of the many that have been raised in a broken home, you are not alone. Yes, each problem is different and you may feel like no one understands you but here is the root of it all. Your parents or parent may share genetics with you and you may have things in common with them. I have learned that we are not doomed, we do not have to be like them. We can choose who we want to be, do not let anyone tell you differently. We have the choice to change the things we do not want to be. All it takes is to accept yourself as you are, recognize the parts of you that you do not want to be and gradually with time you can change it. Think of it as a habit, all habits can be dealt with. Just have faith, hope, and keep moving forward. Reflection is a major key to our lives, if we want to, we can reinvent ourselves. You have to want to because no one else can change you, but they can help you if you open yourself to it. You are never too young or too old, there is time and you can be happy if you allow yourself. Be your own Christopher McCandless, make your own happiness, and don’t let society tell you who you should or have to be.