Credit: Audrey Dubois
At Wheaton College (Massachusetts)

Which Cement Mixer Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

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"And as the stars revolved, so too did the polypropylene drums."

Everything is written in the stars. All that is, was and will ever be is a narrative told by the wandering cosmos, suns and planets. The universe aligns in perfect syzygy and breaks apart into fragmented orbits. The music of the spheres exists in eternal counterpoint to the temporary melody of human life. Also, the stars know exactly what kind of cement mixer you are.

Aries: T10095 Grizzly Low Profile Cement Mixer

T10095 Grizzly Low Profile Cement Mixer

You are small, sensitive and love mixing cement.

Taurus: M-61 Mobile Dumping Cement Mixer

You're always on the go and love exploring. You have many interests, including mixing cement.

Gemini: Klutch 1.77 Electric Cement Mixer


You are a traditionalist who would rather do things by the book. In this case, the book is an instructional manual on how to mix cement.

Cancer: Buffalo Tools Pro-Series Electric Cement and Concrete Mixer


You are an optimist who inspires harmony, particularly when concerned with the respective ratios of water and calcified lime.

Leo: H8172 Grizzly Heavy-Duty Cement Mixer

H8172-Grizzly-47-Gallon-Heavy-Duty-Cement-Mixer

Pessimistic and skeptical, your favorite hobbies include sitting alone in a forgotten garage and mixing cement.

Virgo: Central Machinery Portable Cement Mixer


You are a classy individual with unique talents, such as combining clay with water into a viscous mixture.

Libra: Multiquip MC3PEA Poly Drum Mix N Go Concrete Mixer

Multiquip MC3PEA Poly Drum Mix N Go Concrete Mixer

You don't need much to live a full life. You are satisfied with the small, simple pleasures in life, such as mixing cement.

Scorpio: Bartell Gas Powered Concrete Mixer

You are a dependable individual, willing to help whether your friend needs a shoulder to cry on, a secret to keep, or cement to be mixed.

Sagittarius: Kushlan Products Wheelbarrow Mixer


You are a hard worker with a lot of integrity. Your determination best suits you to endeavors such as mixing cement.

Capricorn: Kobalt 0.5 HP Compact Cement Mixer


You don't really know who you are or what you want to do. You fear that you do not truly have an identity outside of what others project onto you. To distract yourself from this, you throw yourself into hobbies that keep you busy, like blending substances into a binding agent.

Aquarius: Gilson Portable Concrete Mixer

Your achievement-oriented impulses lead you to crave success. You realize that your future happiness is in your own hands. Though your life is intrinsically tied to the lives of those around you, and theirs to yours, you have found that the greatest value is found in what you create for yourself. That which fills you with joy and purpose like nothing else are tasks such as, for instance, mixing cement.

Pisces: M-58 Compact Cement Mixer


Your philosophy is one which revolves around the big picture. If it is best in the grand scheme of the world, then it is best for you. You are content to constantly spin in cycles at a consistent rate forever if you have to. It is for the greatest good. You cannot disappoint. Your life is cement and mixing is your eternal duty.

English/philosophy double major, breakfast cereal connoisseur, Star Trek fan, vocabulary word kleptomaniac.
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