Where Did The Time Go?

Where Did The Time Go?

So, 2007 wasn't three years ago, it was ten.
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So, 2005 wasn't actually five years ago like it feels like, it was twelve. Heelys came out in 2002. Hannah Montana aired in 2006. Are you still breathing?

The Disney princesses are old news. Every "kid" was born after the 1990's, only reading about life events like 9/11, or hurricane Katrina. Your younger siblings are no longer in elementary school. They are freshman in high school, playing on your old basketball team, and walking the halls like they own the place.

Going on social media is no longer just filled with friends pictures from college and high school. There are now status's of the internships and job offers people have accepted, study abroad announcements, and even engagements. Its exciting, going out in the real world, but also incredibly scary. There are no Thanksgiving breaks, Spring break trips with your large group of friends. Feeling safe in the confines of your childhood home.

But then again doesn't that excite you. Moving into an apartment from my freshman year dorm was one of the most exciting things. Not only do you have your own space, the excitement of living on your own, but the feeling of independence is oh so real. Costco isn't as exciting anymore without the real need for bulk size Ramen Noodles and Kraft Easy Mac. But the real best part, is your ice maker. Real, live, ice cubes, no more room temperature water for you!

College courses are no longer general education classes, they're classes that actually apply to you, crazy right? Internships are no longer mandated by your parents, you actually want to put yourself out in the work force. To dip your feet in the water of business, marketing, or whatever your heart desires before you dive in head first.

Going back home for the holidays is now a combination of "I missed you" and "clean up your room", "why are you out so late?". That's when independence feels the best. When you know how to live on your own, your mom's worrisome nagging is just plain annoying, and you know right from wrong... for the most part.

Seeing friends graduate and leave is always sad. Losing touch with old friends becomes a norm, but its the scary part of growing up. Everyone is taking life by the reins, no longer a backseat driver with their parents directing the destination. So I guess hold on tight?

Cover Image Credit: B. Scott

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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I Just Want To Go Home

But I am home..

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Before I left for college, my house was my home. When I was away at school, my house was my home. But all of a sudden, my school is my home. My boyfriend, my sisters, my friends and my dorm make college my home. I never thought any place away from my family could be anywhere close to the same but it really is.

It may be the freedom or the fact that no one there is nagging me about my awful sleep schedule but college is my home. Without my sweet sisters whom I adore, school would be nothing more than school. Without my boyfriend, frat parties would be annoying. Without my friends, my memories would be slim to none. College is so much more than classes, books and crappy dorm rooms and food.

As winter break comes to an end, I dread and celebrate what will happen. I am sad to leave my family, but also excited to see my sorority family(pictured above). I know it pains my parents to see me so excited to leave them once again but deep down I think they know that college is exactly where I want and need to be.

I love my family more than anything but the amount of fun (and learning) I have is incomparable to anything else in my life. So, it's not that I enjoy parting ways with my family, but the family waiting on the other side of that 3 hour drive makes everything worth it.

I am so thankful for the experience I have had thus far in college and I owe it all the everyone around me. All the support and love is amazing and very helpful to keep me going even when classes are challenging. Thank you Family(s) for the overwhelming affection that you give that has provided me with all the memories I have today.

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