Why do people (mainly men) feel it is necessary to catcall/honk/whistle/stare down/rev their engines when they see someone attractive? Sure, I can guess it is only to gain attention from their subject, but at what cost? What do they think is really going to happen once the startled person looks up or over to the person making suggestive comments at them?

Just this morning while I was out for breakfast with my roommate we were yelled at on two separate occasions by men driving past us. In the past, I’ve had men rev their engines at me, blare their horns, yell at me and stare me down. The worst is when they slow down to a crawl as I’m walking just to look at me longer. Many, if not all, of these tactics to gain attention are so absurd and make me incredibly uncomfortable. I have to believe there are some people who do it just to make others squirm and quicken their pace.

I would like to note as well that I have never met another person who has openly enjoyed being noticed and treated that way. Sure, when this first started happening to me I felt a small surge of confidence, but after the third or fourth time I got nervous and antsy. There have been a handful of occasions where I have actually felt fear. That is absolutely unacceptable.

There is a difference between creepily staring a person down and going up to them and telling them how beautiful/handsome/attractive they are. It’s tough to say whether that wouldn’t make a person uncomfortable, but at least they don’t feel objectified. Let someone know you’ve noticed them in a respectable and non-threatening way. While I’m not always a fan of compliments of any kind, they are far better than jumping from car horns and engines.

Yelling at a person from your car window as you drive by is not only rude, but pointless. Most of the time I can barely hear what’s being said to me. Then I’m left wondering what was said and whether it was mean, nice or sexual. Does it really matter anyway?

The important thing to remember is even if your intentions are good and wholesome, there is a power play when one party is in a powered or running vehicle and the other is walking. Regardless of what is said, the person walking could feel uncomfortable unless maybe it was a really good friend or family member driving by. That being said, there is a separation that is absent when being catcalled face-to-face on a sidewalk.

Once at a mall I was stared down by two guys probably around my age. As I walked past, they made a comment under their breath and tried talking to me after I had already passed them. I was in an unfamiliar area and was immediately on edge. Another time (at, you guessed it, an unfamiliar mall) I had a guy come up to me and ask if I was married. At the time I had a boyfriend, so I said I was not single. He said I was beautiful and walked away.

The difference between these two experiences is important. The first experience was worse in that there were two guys and the energy was purely sexual. The power play then was not in my favor and I immediately felt threatened. The second experience was more entertaining than anything else. The body language was completely different. The guy approached me and faced me, talking to me like a human as opposed to a sexual object. Though there may have been sexual intent, it wasn’t blatantly obvious, though that can be even worse in some cases.

In addition to all of these experiences, I once had an older man come into my work and start making comments about how my breasts were natural and how beautiful I was. This man, who was probably in his forties, gave me his number and told me he’d buy me a Christmas present. He barely made eye contact with me and made at least a few sexual remarks. This is clearly the worst of the bunch, but I was luckily at work. To further that I have a great boss who backed me up and said he wouldn’t let this man into the café anymore. To take this a step further, I shared this story on Facebook and received a lot of support and heard from some people who have had similar experiences from the same man. Clearly, this is an individual who isn’t quite aware, or maybe just doesn’t care, of how creepy, rude, sexist and repulsive he comes off.

I could talk about how men need to respect women and how sexually objectified women are in this day and age. I could even wonder why this is all happening and if it will ever end. I honestly don’t know any of those things. I know this happens to all genders (though mainly only to women) by all genders and I know many people are very uncomfortable with this issue. It’s more than just catcalling. It is human interaction and continuous acts of disrespect and dehumanization that are a constant and probably reflect a larger societal issue-- except I would argue this happens everywhere, there are just rude people in the world.

I guess my whole point in this narrative is to shed light that this happens all the time, even in small towns like Potsdam, and that it is not okay. It never was okay. If you really want to garner the attention of someone who has caught your eye or interest, then be respectful and kind about it. Don’t give out the compliment with a tone of expectation or dominance. Be friendly and humble. People often need to hear how beautiful they are, because not enough of them hear it or believe it. We are all beautiful, whether we think so or not, and it isn’t going to take a lusty look from a creeper in a car to make us realize it. Treat me like I’m human, because that is what I am.