As a young person, there are many adventures to be had. One such escapade many strive after is young love. Sadly, attempts for love often lead to heartbreak before a lasting romance is won. Heartbreak is a difficult internal war to wage; the world seems to stop and the joyful colors of life fade to a dark black-and-white world. If you’ve ever had a broken heart experience, you understand exactly what I speak of. Watching a dear friend suffer through a painful calamity of love is almost as if you’re experiencing it yourself. As one who loves a hurting heart, it’s difficult to perceive what is the right action to take at times. Do you go to her to comfort her? Do you leave her be? Here are five tips as to handling a friend who is broken and hurting.
1. Be Present.
When a young heart is broken, sometimes all it need is someone to sit next to it while the show “Friends” plays on the living room television. In a state of despair, the worst kind of medicine is to be alone. Human souls were created for community, and hurting hearts need people more than anyone. As a companion, just be available to be there, next to your friend with a hurting heart. You don’t need to bring a speech of encouragement or do anything to fix her… Just be beside her and show her you care.
2. Be Patient.
It must be said "time heals all hearts, but hearts take time to heal". It’s one of those facts which remains unexplainable but unavoidable. Remember to give your soul friend the grace she needs to recover. It can be discouraging from time to time to have a “rain cloud friend,” as I call them; one who seems to be down in the dumps about 95% of the time. A friend with an aching soul may be this way for a while - She might be low for a few days, a couple of weeks, or maybe even for months. Although it may become difficult at times to continue investing time and energy into a despondent friend, don’t give up on her. Love her through the rain, and your friendship will bloom all the more beautifully when the sun comes back through the clouds.
3. Be Protective.
Here are where the cheesy lines from your middle school years come in. Remember “sisters before misters,” and all the other playground songs girls sang on the swings when boys still had cooties? Boys may not be so fun to run from anymore, but those ideas should be in our minds from time to time. Guard your friend, and stand by her side! When others fade from view because of her sadness or their own busyness, choose her. Who else will help with the aftermath of a heartbreak, but you? Love her as you want to be loved. And maybe watch a good movie and eat some ice cream while you’re at it. It couldn’t hurt…
4. Be Positive.
Be encouraging; be uplifting! Even if encouragement doesn’t come naturally to you, learn how to lift up the ones you love in their moments of need. In the case of a brokenhearted friend, words possess an amplified power to give her more hope for her day, or to tear her down to tears all over again. If you can’t think of anything elevating to say, keep your words to yourself and stick with just being present. Not everyone has the gift of encouragement, which isn’t a bad thing. But, that does not excuse you to say whatever comment pops into your head either. Watch your words because they are more powerful than you would like to think.
5. Be Prayerful.
Boys can bring bliss into a girl’s life. It’s nice to be cared for, and to have someone to care for in return. Although I love physical affection and the idea of lasting love as much as any other Nicholas Sparks reading young woman, I understand it will never be enough. Romance was not designed to satisfy a soul for all eternity. While your friend is at her lowest, lift her up in prayer. Healing ultimately comes from the creator of love and life Himself, and is not something we can accomplish apart from Him. The God of the Universe designed each heart with a purpose, and with care. He even promises to count our tears in Psalm 56:8, which expresses the magnitude of his love for us. For your friend to be truly healed in the deepest part of her heart, pray for God to lift her head to see His presence. If she can find rest in Jesus alone, any other heartbreak can we weathered for God is unchanging and always constant.
So, if you have a friend who has recently had her heart broken, don’t give up on her. Choose to love her selflessly. Stand firm in your friendship, and there will be great reward in the end.
