As a child I was pretty badly behaved. Not so much in school—I liked when my teachers liked me—but with my parents I simply didn’t give a damn at a young age. I vividly remember throwing a temper tantrum at a department store when my mom said to me “you’re embarrassingly yourself and you’re embarrassing me.” I remember thinking to myself, “you are the only one embarrassed here, I surely am not.” And the temper tantrum continued. I’m sure, when I have kids, there will be at least one who is my Payback Child. At least they’ll be cute.

My point with that anecdote is that from a young age, the word “no” did not scare me. “No,” to me became another chance to prove my point. I could never really take a hint. I’m not subtle. I would have experiences that gave me the confidence to try again, to be bold, and if I fail, to try again. Try again until it’s a yes.

I was being put on antidepressants at an age when I should’ve been worrying about whether or not to watch the Friday night football game. I got cut from my field hockey team (and made the team manager, because I guess other people can see what I see in myself, too) my sophomore year of high school, so I lost 60 pounds and tried out again my junior year. I learned at a young age most of the things we worry about won’t matter a year from now. It seems simple but if we all remembered that I think the human population would be happier overall. With those experiences I also learned only I can put genuine limits on myself.

Nobody else telling me “no” could crush me the way I could crush myself. My own brain chemistry and body had been my biggest challengers. Everything else looked mild in comparison. Tell me no, I’ll prove you wrong.

Don’t let the possibility of “no” scare you. Let it motivate you. Don’t limit yourself. “No” is just a sign more work needs to be done. Maybe the job wasn’t right for you. Maybe your skills are better suited elsewhere. Maybe your idea needs more work. Maybe you need someone else to take a look at it. Maybe you’re doubting yourself and it’s showing. “No” doesn’t mean your inadequate. It means it’s not right for you and you should continue working hard. That doesn’t have to be scary. That could be exciting. There’s more to learn from.

I don’t mean for this to sound like blind optimism. I just don’t think having the door shut on your face is the scariest thing in the world. At least they didn’t waste your time on something that isn’t right for you. “No” is a sign you keep working. Maybe you were overextending yourself and it just wasn’t genuine anymore. Maybe you need to start working on something else that is more true to you. Don’t give up on yourself because somebody else told you no. J.K. Rowling was told no by like thirteen different publishers. Somebody will see you for who you really are. Continuing on after you’ve been told no shows that you’re driven. And that’s one of the best qualities to have. Hands down. Driven, passionate, hard-working.

“No” doesn’t have to be scary. You just have to reframe what the word “no” means to you. And make sure your life doesn’t depend on it… Which is a lot easier said than done. If it’s something your happiness does depend on, make sure you don’t give up if you’re told “no.” Just keep working towards something that makes you even happier. If that is the same thing, perfect what makes you happy until it’s polished and brilliant. Somebody will see its worth.