If you’re like me, you can’t cook. Anything. Seeing other people cook is always an amazement to you because your life has mostly consisted of failed attempts to cook “real food.” You make the simplest meal you can think of, or simply just order in. Knowing that one day, you will have to actually not eat ramen or frozen dinners is a dreaded reality. For now, all of us bad cooks will just stand together and reminisce on the times that we know all too well.
1. All of your meals come from a box.
Whether it’s a frozen pizza, boxed macaroni and cheese (my personal favorite) or a takeout box, you have just assumed at this point that food is meant to come from a box, and reading cardboard directions may very well count as reading from a recipe book.
2. If you’re asked to cook dinner, the answer is without a doubt, “No.”
Sorry friends, but if you plan on having a nice get together tonight, don’t invite me into the kitchen. Unless of course, you want everything burnt or destroyed. The kitchen is definitely not your happy place.
3. You do, however, have one meal that you’re great at cooking, and you make it whenever you can.
For me, it’s spaghetti. I have somehow, mastered the art of boiling water and putting noodles in. This is, of course, after I burned countless noodles (apparently you can’t hang the noodles over the side of the pot.) For us bad cooks, there is always one thing we have managed to figure out how to “cook.”
4. You have had the same meal five days in a row.
Leftovers are truly a blessing. When you’ve run out of money for food, leftovers can be the most delicious option in the house. I mean, who wouldn’t want leftover white rice from Chinese takeout five days after you ordered it?
5. You have tried to make a nice meal and you have embarrassingly failed.
You were just trying to do something nice! Whether you burnt the heck out of the green bean casserole, or served up raw pancakes with a side of burnt scrambled eggs (sorry, guys), you just inform your friends that it would be better to not rely on you for the meal.
6. You are amazed when people don’t use recipes.
When you ask somebody how they made the delicious dinner you had (even though you know there is no way you will be able to cook it,) and they inform that they “do not use a recipe,” you are in awe. I mean, how is that even possible?! I honestly don’t even know how long to fry an egg without asking somebody or looking it up.
7. Speaking of not using recipes, cooking competition shows on The Food Network seriously don’t make sense to you.
Have you seen "Chopped"? They give them all of those random ingredients and somehow they just whip up something that could be served in a five star restaurant! Meanwhile, we have never even heard of half of these ingredients!
8. Ramen for every meal isn’t just a saying. It actually happens.
When it’s the only thing in your house and you want something “home cooked,” Ramen is the perfect option. It’s easy to cook and sometimes, having it for breakfast, lunch and dinner is all you need.
9. Being asked out to dinner is a blessing.
You get that glorious text or phone call: “Want to go out tonight?” The answer is always yes. Anything that can keep you from having the same exact meal you’ve had this whole week is the best offer you can get!
10. You dread the day when you have to cook for your family.
Just think, one day it won’t just be you suffering from your lack of cooking skills. "Maybe I’ll take cooking lessons," you think. Hopefully that will assist us in feeding our families with balanced meals. While I hope this will be the case, for now, I just hope that they like spaghetti!
