Most people come to college with a plan, a path they are planning to walk down. They set goals, wonder what it will be like to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. I did the same thing. I came to college with a plan, changed my mind and made a new plan. The new plan included getting a bachelor's of science, go to graduate school and get an amazing job as a Speech-Language Pathologist. I told my parents how excited I was, and they supported my plan and wanted to help me in any way they could. I was on my way to making this plan happen, getting slowly but surely to the end of the path and preparing to start a new path.
Then the path began to get a little rocky. I tried to do too much at one time. I had a 16-hour class load, a five day a week band schedule and I was working any free day that I had. It took a toll on me mentally, physically, emotionally and academically. I had a panic attack after not getting enough sleep too many nights in a row, and I knew I had to cut back somehow or I wasn't going to make it through the semester. So, I quit my job and I tried to use my newfound free time to get my grades back up, but I was too late and I was going to have to work twice as hard the following semester to get back on track.
At the end of that year, my junior year, my parents asked me what my exact plan was and I told them all the schools that I would be applying to for graduate school. They asked me what I planned to do if I didn't get into graduate school, and it floored me. I had never thought about what I would do if I didn't get in. I tried to brush it off and not think about it again, but as my final semester got closer and closer it loomed over me: the idea of falling off my path. I started applying to graduate programs over Christmas break. When I sent the final application, I felt so much stress leave my body, but that lasted for all of 10 seconds before the stress of waiting for an answer found me.
As the replies came in droves during the month of February, I didn't get a single acceptance. I had applied to 16 schools, yes, I know that's a lot. I kept getting denials and my heart sank. Over spring break, my parents wanted me to figure out what I was planning on doing if, in the end, no one accepted me. I had thought about possibilities, choices I would make. When we were driving to Florida, I told them of my plan. I was going to update my resume to the best of my abilities and start applying for Speech Language Pathology assistant positions in the same states that I applied to graduate schools in.
It's now April, and I still haven't received any acceptance letters. I am starting to send out my resume now to get ahead of the game in the job market. When I started realizing that the plan I had made for myself over three years ago wasn't going to happen, I cried and became very angry with myself. It hurt me that I had worked so hard and still got nowhere. I talked to my mom, and she told me exactly what I needed to hear like every mother does. "You can't go back and change anything. All you can do is work with what you have and make the best of your future." When she said this I knew that she was right and that I simply needed to take a breath and remember that everything happens for a reason.
When your path starts to crumble in front of you, it's scary and you get angry with yourself because who else is to blame? You had the next five to 10 years planned out and you were so excited to reach those milestones. Then all of a sudden, everything changes and the path comes to a point with too many forks in the road to just choose one. Life is always going to do this, the plan will always change and for some of us, we get our first experience with this when we're 21. Others don't deal with it until they are in their 30's or even later. We learn we grow and we change the plan to make our lives better with whatever new options we have. It's OK to not have life go the way you plan it to. It will all come together and you never know, it could work out better than you ever thought it would.
