I was very determined one Denver afternoon, last July, to finish the piece of art that would go somewhere. My lower back ached, I was listening to Nick Drake on repeat, and my kitten curled up on my lap, making my hips tilt forward. Then, my phone rang on the table, causing my kitten to dig her claws into my bare skin and spring from my ankles.

It was my best friend, wondering if I still wanted to go to the concert I was waiting for all summer. That moment I thought to myself - is it really going to be worth it, seeing my heroes right before my eyes when I had a list of crafts to do?

I was perfectly fine at home. My mom just caught my brother smoking some weed and she flushed his stash down the toilet. My corgis were trying to find an ounce of sunshine to bathe under in the backyard, and the endless rain seemed to be courteous enough for me to go out. So I called my best friend back and told her, I was willing to go meet my heroes with her and the rest would be history right?

They are fairly easy to meet, I can tell you a little bit on how I stumbled across such unique humans such as them: A few months before, I was in my house in Taos, NM, (a sacred place if you ask me) I got up from the computer to make myself a cup of tea and when I came back, a video lit up the screen and I thought it was strange because I was working with a blank page, of a new short story I was going to write... So, I clicked on the video and at first, I did not think much of two twins living it up in the LA music scene with the following black and white striped shirts, grass green converses and denim jackets with aesthetic band pins.

All in all, the world they were displayed in reminded me of my first kiss; the son of a movie star I had no idea existed, nor did I care until I saw his name everywhere I turned. Eventually, the twins would walk with my serious heartbreak in a fashion show leading up to when I met them.

Though, the twins seemed different and unique; they were their own selves and what caught me is when I watched their music videos. I thought more of what my best friend and I would do; pretend to be dead at a terrible local show in the basement of the Gypsy House Cafe with our hair in our faces and our arms splayed out with limp wrists. We were both living in our own world, as the twins had created their world and displayed it for their fans.

So I built the twins more in my head; I never had a crush on them, but I ended up writing stories and characters based off of their personalities which made their way into a handful of my university-issued magazines. I could have never draw a picture of such fan art they would appreciate on social media and I did my best to approach them in a friendly manner with prospering ideas I would love them to be involved in, or show them around Denver if they ever had a chance, but I made myself look like a fool. There would always be a checked mark in the messages I wrote to them; "So-and-So saw your message," months after I realized I sent it to them, and they never reached out.

Then, the time came for the concert, and at that moment - I wasn't caught up with their circle, I was growing out of them and detaching myself from this "mirage of friendship" I had created in my head. With excitement, I showed my mom and her friend some of their music videos and as they watched with low brows, being brought up in the seventies, my mom told me their pants were too high. Then her friend caught on and it has stuck with me since. What they said went in the lines of - "They look lost, why would you ever include yourself with them? You are bright and charismatic, all they have is well... themselves."

But was it a bad thing all they had were themselves? Then, I had to go back and analyze the twins through a screen. They didn't look that close with each other as they claimed. Eventually, when I got the least bit of response from the one (I will lightly sprinkle the word acquaintance on), I took back considering them a friend when I mentioned their other twin after the shooting in Paris, I took a picture of the NM skies for all my wonderful friends in Europe and they happened to be touring there, in hopes of wondering where they were, all I got was a 'seen' after the connection we have made, I felt like an exposed skeleton standing around a bunch of cactus plants. My care was no use to lift the spirits of someone I constantly still am aware about, I struggle to one day find another human to have intellectual conversations with, as the path our connection could have been. Yet, again I made myself look like a fool on the surface and my point never came across.

When my best friend and I arrived at the concert, I felt as concrete as the downtown Denver. My limbs wouldn't give in my cowboy boots and my spine formed an 'S' shape that day from sitting over a coloring book. I was by all means, not ready to meet them. I had a deadbeat summer and I couldn't let myself through as tight as I tied my mask; I didn't feel genuine and it ruined me.

We walked inside the dive bar they were performing at and suddenly I saw one of the twins through a black curtain. My friend and I were walking towards the patio, I could have just kept walking, but I darted into the bright green room and threw my arms around him. That's when it dawned on me; I was no different than your typical fangirl, it was something I was very ashamed of.

It falls into this whole psychology of being so focused on a curtain pop figure or figures, that I forgot that they are every other day people living their lives and I am as well.

Understand that you can't take your stone lions from their stoop and put them on your own lawn, they are mounted there for that reason. Sure, you might like the stone lions but perhaps the architecture of your house is different. What I am actually saying is this: building up people you want to get to know in your head, regardless of if they are known are not, might not always be what it's cracked up to be. Take it from me. By the end of the night, I still went on listening to their new songs, supporting who they were, but I felt as though I would never have the time sit down and inspire them as they inspired me because, ultimately, they have no time or interest. It gives them, universally speaking of heroes and influences in general, the idea that their screen of fame casts you out. In this situation, you must learn to forgive and forget.

So now that I am here, myself, I see no reason in making myself a fool, I just tried to make them my friends so I can tell them how inspirational they were to me, but for what? I am already doing what I love to do, I learn it every day. I know my own craft, it was perhaps how they appeared to me, on the screen, that they helped me out of my creativity rut in a viral sense but not in a personal sense.

We all must keep in mind that we are powerful beings and perhaps, one day we will inspire others. When that happens, take your time to listen to those others.