I unearthed an unfinished piece I wrote back in January. Part of it reads:
“Two thousand-nine hundred six miles. Three hours. One thousand, four hundred, and sixty days. These are some of numbers that stand between us. The line is just going to get longer.”
It took several moments to recall what the figures meant. Those figures no longer exist, much like the contact with the other person featured in the piece. The other person is someone that I no longer love.
No one notices when they stop loving someone until the next time they think of that person.
Their characteristics that created smiles now cause no reaction. Their preference for coffee or tea, their birthday, and their quirks are no longer brought into memory. The words previously used as descriptors hold little to no meaning now.
I came up with a metaphor to describe this feeling of loss of feelings. The metaphor was inspired from a hunt to find creatures from an augmented reality mobile game. My friend sought a particular water-type creature and, because how creature types gravitate toward their corresponding nature zones in real life, pointed us in the direction of a creek. I sauntered in the general direction with a phone in hand as if it was a compass. After a few steps he asked if we were already close to the creek. When I answered no, he pointed out a water sloshing sound around us.
It turned out to be the water swimming around in my metal reuseable bottle. I grew accustomed to the sound after a two years of lugging it around to the point that I didn't notice it. Of course when I first started bringing my water bottle around the sloshing sound annoyed me. But I got used to it. This desensitization is similar to not noticing when you stop loving someone. Feelings can cause frustration but, over a period of time, we stop paying them heed in order to move on with our lives.
As for my personal response of no longer loving the other person, I don’t have an opinion about it. I don’t think that the end of seven years of endearment is a waste. But neither do I gaze out a window and hum in reminiscent of the past. Having a blank slate as an opinion is probably not the same for everyone. The circumstances surrounding the reasons behind the end of the relationship also have a role in the emotional reaction.
Regardless, the loss of love shows that most things will eventually fade out. But that does not necessarily mean that it is bad as new things will fill up the previously occupied spaces.
