When you said that we should get together, I was cautious. I had been there before and I didn’t want to make the same mistakes from the last time and the time before (and even the time before that). I sat there and I thought about it over and over again because you said, “Can’t wait to see you”, and I truthfully couldn’t either.
When you saw me and you smiled, I couldn’t help but smile in return. While I could feel that subtle attraction, I was still cautious. You put the top of the car down and drove like there was nowhere to be; it distracted me. Over the wind, I couldn’t hear much, but I could see that, still, you were smiling. Well, then all I could do was look away because I was blushing.
When you told me about that childhood memory, I wanted to say, “I’m sorry”, but you already knew that. You didn’t mind that we didn’t really plan to go to the beach, so you got me in the water anyway. It was freezing, but then, I was the one who didn’t seem to mind. You spent so much time trying to get me under the water, so I let go and let you pull me under. That’s when you kissed me.
When you reached your hand out, I couldn’t understand that you wanted to hold mine; nobody had done that before. We kept driving, listening to those songs I’d never heard of, but enjoyed. We could’ve easily gotten lost and that was okay with us. Instead of being lost, we made little plans.
When you asked me about my past, there was quite a bit that I couldn’t bring myself to say. Yet, you smiled at me again and, suddenly, I was in the middle of my memories. I thought you would judge me because it wasn’t perfect, but you seemed to think that it was all relative. I let it be just that.
When you said, “It’s almost like a movie”, I didn’t realize that this movie had an ending. You looked at me as if I were the lead, but now I’m just the supporting role. It wasn’t a serious role for me, but I thought it could get there if I played the character well enough. Eventually, I looked in the mirror and realized we each play our own part in our own movie, so I really am the lead now. You’re a part of the story, in fact, you helped me grow. I can see where the end is heading and I’m leaving it open to interpretation.
When you opened the door for me as I was heading home, I didn’t think it would be the last time. I got in my car, smiled like a fool, and thought about seeing you again. There’s a shirt that I bought, a printed black short-sleeve button down, and it’s for a date. I know that I’ll look good in it, but maybe you won’t be the one complimenting me. Part of me believes that we can get to a good point and maybe start all over, but in the meantime, I’m choosing myself.
When you helped me see the whole picture, I understood that these kinds of things happen. I’m not mad, in fact, I appreciate you even more. I just hope, one day, you’ll understand that I could only be good enough.
