When I Wear Make Up, I Don't Feel Like Myself

When I Wear Make Up, I Don't Feel Like Myself

I would much rather struggle to accept my natural appearance than struggle to maintain an image that is not true to who I really am.
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I know a lot of people who wouldn't dream of going out in public without makeup on. As for myself, I prefer to go without. Sometimes I might wear lipstick, but nothing more than that. I feel more comfortable in my natural state. But it's not always that simple. It's taken a long time for me to accept that my natural appearance, though perhaps not the best as far as societal standards go, does not need to be changed. Over the years, I've struggled with makeup and how it makes me feel. Did it make me feel more confident, or did it make me feel more self-conscious and aware of my "flaws?"

When I was in elementary school, I loved to play dress up and pretend I was someone famous. Of course, I didn't think there was anything weird about it then, but now I realize that it probably wasn't the healthiest game to play as far as self-esteem goes.

Eventually, I grew out of that phase and existed as a carefree child, fully myself. That didn't last very long, though.

During my first two years of high school, I painted approximately ten pounds of eyeliner onto my eyes before leaving the house. It drove everyone crazy, especially my parents. I knew this wasn't how I was "supposed" to apply makeup, but it was part of my teenage-angst phase. I was satisfied with the fact that I was making myself "different." But even though I wasn't applying makeup in the way most people would, I was still pretending to be someone I wasn't.

After my sophomore year of high school, I gave up on my alternative, contrary, "emo" image, because I realized I thought was making myself stand out, but in reality, I was just painting over my true self and subscribing to another stereotype.

Throughout the past couple years, I've had an on-and-off relationship with make up. At some point, I decided to try concealer, and that's where I ran into some trouble. First of all, it felt really gross on my face. But it also occurred to me that the point of concealer is to cover up "flaws," and that idea just made me feel worse, because my mind took that as confirmation that my flaws needed to be covered up if I was to be considered acceptable. I felt a lot of pressure to make myself into something I wasn't. But sometimes I tried. Without fail, I ended up washing it all off in a fit of frustration before the day was over.

When I wear make up, I don't feel like myself. I feel constricted and trapped. For me, it is physically and mentally stressful to put on make up and keep it on for the day. I would much rather struggle to accept my natural appearance than struggle to maintain an image that is not true to who I really am. I want my skin to be able to breathe, and I want to be able to breathe in my own skin.

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10 Outfits Every College Girl Wears To Class At Least Once

You can thank me later.
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It's happened on more than one occasion.

The occasion of being called out more than once for dressing down for class and by "down" I mean some of the haters we hate to love claiming that they can't see the shorts we're wearing under the oversized band tee on our way to class.

Contrary to popular belief, yes I'm not oblivious to how my choice of outfits for class tends to shift on the more comfortable side and yes, I am aware that it looks like I'm not wearing pants, I like it that way.

Every girl in college wears what they feel is comfortable enough to wear in a 2-hour lecture and these are my ideas of comfort.

1. The infamous oversized tee with Nike shorts.

I'll say it right now, I have a variety of assorted Soffee and Nike shorts that I pair with almost every oversized tee I own and it's my go-to for those 8 AM math lectures.

2. Oversized tee with leggings and riding boots.

Once the first red, yellow and orange leaf is found on campus grounds, you know you're about to see a swarm of college girls, like me, sporting riding boots in every shade of brown. Jeans optional.

3. Oversized tee with leggings and rain boots.

Once the first rainfall hits campus, you better believe you'll see this same 'fit paired with Hunter boots in almost every color.

4. The "I'm going to the gym right after class, I SWEAR" look.

Whether or not I have plans to go to the gym after class or not, I'm probably in my gym gear 4 times of the week and I'm not ashamed by it.

5. Jeans.

I've always had a hate/hate relationship with wearing jeans when I absolutely do not have to and here's why: they make my derriere completely disappear. When (and if) you catch me wearing jeans in lecture hall it's probably because someone paid me a large sum of money to do so.

6. Your boyfriend's flannel paired with... you guessed it, your favorite pair of leggings.

This is probably one of the many flannels I've stolen from my boyfriend and certainly not the last one. Paired with another favorite standard black leggings, you can't go wrong with this outfit to snooze in.

7. The baseball hat and quarter zip ensemble.

One of my all times favorites, you can't go wrong with a zipper up 3x too big for your body and a baseball hat you honestly forgot where you got it from. We also can't forget our infamous black leggings.

8. Your "walk of shame" outfit.

Now, this doesn't mean you roll up to Intro to Psychology wearing what you wore to the lacrosse mixer the night before, no. This is more of the outfit you so quickly had to throw on in a span of two minutes because you left so and so's apartment downtown an hour too late.

9. A v-neck.

Another one of my favorites.

10. Dresses (or anything even relatively formal).

Disclaimer: I personally would never come to class wearing this but gigantic kudos to cute a** girls that do decide to wear this because you look good.

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'Sissy, Why is That Boy Wearing Makeup?'

June is time to celebrate equality.

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This past weekend, I went to the mall with my family. It was just a normal family excursion, and I wanted to walk into Sephora to show my mom a perfume I liked. We go inside, and my mother and I drift away from my dad and 6 year old sister, Sierra. I showed her the perfume I thought smelled amazing (Roses de Chloé) and we look for my sister and father to exit the store. As soon as we leave, my little sister grabs my hand and asks, "Sissy, why is that boy wearing makeup?"

This was the first time my little sister has ever asked about anything like this, and I wanted to make sure I gave her an answer. I turned to her and said, "Sierra, sometimes there are boys who wear makeup, and girls who may dress like boys. People are allowed to wear what they want, it doesn't matter." Sierra looks up at me, says, "Oh okay," and that was the end of it.

Sharing this experience to say, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

So thankful to live in a country where all sexual orientations get a day to celebrate their love. That's what this world needs more of-- love. It shouldn't matter who it is, where they are from, the color on their skin, or their gender identity.

When Sierra was born, I always wondered when this conversation would come up. I wondered what I would say, how she would react to it, and how she would be exposed to it. Like I consistently preach, everything happens for a reason, and I'm glad Sierra was able to get exposure and receive an immediate answer. Love is love, and I will forever stand by that.

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