I noticed this one was different when he took my coffee cup, even though there were still two sips left, because he knew I never drank all of it. Then, when he called me in the morning on his way to work to pray with me. And when I greeted him, he acted as if we haven't seen each other in months. He was so excited.
Throughout the week, he would send pictures that he took of me when I wasn't paying attention. When these instances occurred for the first time, he swooned me. As these instances turned into his habits, he captured my heart.
My boyfriend, Trent, shows me every day this consistency. His love for me is far from faint. I never catch myself wondering. I don't question his motives. I sleep peacefully at night.
The thing about Trent is, whether this is true or not, it seems like treating me with the utmost respect and consideration is second nature to him. I don't question if it's something he will do. He just does it.
If I'm being completely honest with you, I never experienced this before dating Trent. Before meeting him, I could have easily told you that I wanted to date someone like him, but I never did. I settled, constantly.
I was all too familiar with going days without a text back, going months without being introduced to the family, going on campus and hearing stories about how he "hooked up with her" this weekend. I'm embarrassed about how much effort I gave to try and get attention, affection or anything from a guy that supposedly "liked" me. But the reason I can gut all this out of me to share it with you all is that I know some of you have been, and are going through, the same thing.
And I'm so sorry that you are.
But I need to tell you, from the other side, you don't have to try that hard. The right guy, a good guy, will make it so clear that he wants to be with you. I promise you won't have to question if you're the girl he thinks about.
To be harsh, if he really liked you, he would show you. It shouldn't be a quest to find out "how he really feels". Girl, he's already showing you how he feels. I don't know how we arrived at this place where we accept less than we deserve, as if it's all we could have. We settle for initial excitement and we learn to move past the disappointment.
I know it's what you're used to by now, but it doesn't have to be your forever. I'm gonna be harsh again. I need to tell you, from personal experience, it's not going to get better. He isn't going to treat you differently. He's been able to this for so long and he will continue to do it.
Sister, walk away. You're worth way more.
When I walked away, I gained so much. I learned to truly love myself. I got to experience and know real love. Love that doesn't exhaust me. This love refreshes me. You deserve to find that love, too.
I remember the first time I looked down at Trent's phone and saw the group text with his buddies. He had sent them all a picture of me that he took at dinner, saying, "Can't wait for y'all to meet her." I also remember when he told me his passcode "just in case I needed to get into his phone." I wasn't used to being with someone who actually had nothing to hide from me.
Seriously, imagine yourself in a relationship where you don't wonder where he really was last night, or when he will finally answer your phone call. Imagine being with someone who knows you so deeply, and still is so proud of you.
I promise you that you can have this, too. You also deserve it. There is someone out there who is going to remind you of your worth. He is going to build you up and encourage you. He will make you feel like a priority and not an option. I pray that you have the courage to walk away from anything that makes you feel less than the queen that you are.