You Deserve Better

Everything I Wish I Knew Before I Found 'The One'

The right guy, a good guy, will make it so clear that he wants to be with you.

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I noticed this one was different when he took my coffee cup, even though there were still two sips left, because he knew I never drank all of it. Then, when he called me in the morning on his way to work to pray with me. And when I greeted him, he acted as if we haven't seen each other in months. He was so excited.

Throughout the week, he would send pictures that he took of me when I wasn't paying attention. When these instances occurred for the first time, he swooned me. As these instances turned into his habits, he captured my heart.

My boyfriend, Trent, shows me every day this consistency. His love for me is far from faint. I never catch myself wondering. I don't question his motives. I sleep peacefully at night.

The thing about Trent is, whether this is true or not, it seems like treating me with the utmost respect and consideration is second nature to him. I don't question if it's something he will do. He just does it.

If I'm being completely honest with you, I never experienced this before dating Trent. Before meeting him, I could have easily told you that I wanted to date someone like him, but I never did. I settled, constantly.

I was all too familiar with going days without a text back, going months without being introduced to the family, going on campus and hearing stories about how he "hooked up with her" this weekend. I'm embarrassed about how much effort I gave to try and get attention, affection or anything from a guy that supposedly "liked" me. But the reason I can gut all this out of me to share it with you all is that I know some of you have been, and are going through, the same thing.

And I'm so sorry that you are.

But I need to tell you, from the other side, you don't have to try that hard. The right guy, a good guy, will make it so clear that he wants to be with you. I promise you won't have to question if you're the girl he thinks about.

To be harsh, if he really liked you, he would show you. It shouldn't be a quest to find out "how he really feels". Girl, he's already showing you how he feels. I don't know how we arrived at this place where we accept less than we deserve, as if it's all we could have. We settle for initial excitement and we learn to move past the disappointment.

I know it's what you're used to by now, but it doesn't have to be your forever. I'm gonna be harsh again. I need to tell you, from personal experience, it's not going to get better. He isn't going to treat you differently. He's been able to this for so long and he will continue to do it.

Sister, walk away. You're worth way more.

When I walked away, I gained so much. I learned to truly love myself. I got to experience and know real love. Love that doesn't exhaust me. This love refreshes me. You deserve to find that love, too.

I remember the first time I looked down at Trent's phone and saw the group text with his buddies. He had sent them all a picture of me that he took at dinner, saying, "Can't wait for y'all to meet her." I also remember when he told me his passcode "just in case I needed to get into his phone." I wasn't used to being with someone who actually had nothing to hide from me.

Seriously, imagine yourself in a relationship where you don't wonder where he really was last night, or when he will finally answer your phone call. Imagine being with someone who knows you so deeply, and still is so proud of you.

I promise you that you can have this, too. You also deserve it. There is someone out there who is going to remind you of your worth. He is going to build you up and encourage you. He will make you feel like a priority and not an option. I pray that you have the courage to walk away from anything that makes you feel less than the queen that you are.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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No, Really, He's Just NOT That Into You, Here Are 6 Ways To Know

Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.

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Ladies, let's be honest with ourselves, we're smart. We know when something's not right or when someone's not feeling us. That gut feeling isn't worry or being anxious — it's an instinct. Use it.

Often when we get that gut feeling, we go to our friends for advice. "He's left me on delivered for three hours but he was active 20 minutes ago," "He said he couldn't hang out tonight because he's busy, even though he said he was free earlier today," "He only asks me to hang out late at night, but he just has a lot going on during the day," and so on.

We sound crazy trying to analyze someone's thoughts and intentions.

Bless our friends' souls, they'll come up with reasons that make SO much sense, and we'll be like "Omg okay you're totally right I just need to chill."

The truth is, although they have the best intentions, our friends aren't doing us any favors by trying to think of plausible excuses. Most of the time our gut feelings are right and instead of trying to settle them we should accept them and move on from there.

If he doesn't do the following things, then he's just not that into you.

1. If he doesn't call or text you first

I'm not saying he always has to be the first one, but it should go both ways. If you realize that the two of you only talk when you initiate it first, he's just not that into you.

2. If you're not a priority 

Hey, quick reminder! If he wants to talk to or be with you, he will.

He will let you know when he can't talk for a while, he will have good energy when you do talk, and he will talk to you whenever he can. You should be with a guy who LOVES talking to you, and I'm not saying you have to talk all day 24/7. If he's constantly talking to other people and leaving you on delivered for hours, you're not a priority.

If he wants to see you, he will see you. People make time for who they want to make time for. Yes, the guy you're seeing does have a life outside of you, but there is a big difference between making time and just fitting you into his time. The right guy will make the effort.

If you find yourself feeling like a convenience and not a priority, he's just not that into you.

3. If he's only asking you to hangout at night

...you're a booty call. If you only hang out at either of your houses, it's just a hookup. Sorry, but it's not that hard to go get coffee or lunch during the day. It's not like he has to pay for everything or take you to a fancy restaurant. If a guy likes you he will want to make actual plans with you. If he doesn't spend time with you during the day, he's just not that into you.

4. If he's actively talking to another girl

"Just Friends" is a tough one because most girls know how both sides of a 'just friends' relationship work. I like having friends that are guys because you can drive around listening to music talking about whatever without listening to a 10-minute rant about how Chad is sending mixed signals. I love my friends that are girls, they're absolutely amazing, but sometimes it's nice to switch things up. My guy friends are friends for a reason and I appreciate them for always being there for me, but I would never get in the way of them having a relationship with a girl.

On the flip side, even if you completely trust your guy, it's hard to trust other girls because you never know their true intentions. The way I see it is that if the two of them have never dated or hooked up, and they were friends before you started dating, then I trust the girl-friend. Don't be fooled though by the, "Oh don't worry about her, she's just a friend," if he's blatantly flirting with her.

Of course, make sure to communicate any of your doubts about the friendship to him before jumping to any conclusions.

If he's actively flirting with another girl, he's just not that into you.

5. If he's not honest with you 

If you catch him being shady or making excuses for his actions or lack thereof, he's just not that into you.

6. If he isn't putting in the time or effort

You deserve more than second thoughts and maybes. You deserve more than late night "wyd" or "you up" Snapchats. You deserve more than feeling the need to check the Snapchat map or beg your friends for excuses as to why he's not talking to you. If you have to second guess his intentions and overanalyze his words and actions, he's just not that into you.

Bottom line: put your feelings aside and ask yourself, "If I was being treated like this by a guy I didn't like, would I still be talking to him?" If the answer is no, then move along. Stop making excuses for things that you know are red flags. If your gut feeling tells you that he's just not into you, then honey, he's just not that into you.

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