Last week must have felt like the luckiest week I've had for a while. Instead of ordering a small order of a juice, the guy decided to voluntarily make me a large order and charged me way less. And when I found out that my favorite spinach crepe wasn't available, the cook took my answer of "my heart is really into it" and made me my own personal dish. And after thinking about those events, I wondered if it was actually luck or act of kindness that these people decided to show which led me to think about how much kindness I portray to others.

I've always been the kind of person that would only show act of kindness because I wanted something out of it whether it was acknowledging it by reverting it back with the same kindness or words of value. However, I've learned that that isn't always the case.

Those who I did put an extra step for ended up not recognizing and even noticing what I was doing for them. I would end up feeling ignored and under-appreciated for waking up early or buying them a gift out of pure willingness, but their lack of emotions and respect for the additional things I did for them wasn't worth it at the end.

I think about the times I've wasted on putting so much effort on those people when it's people like my mother, my cousin, and my best friends that continuously show me acts of kindness regardless of the lack of kindness I recuperate back. Not only does that make me feel horrible but it also made me discover what kind of person I've been.

Instead of choosing to act a certain way to those who doesn't ask for anything back, I tend to find myself attracted to those who ask for me when they're not willing to do the same for me. The chase of wanting them to realize all of the trouble I've done just to catch their attention has always lured me into them even more. At the end, I would find myself crying and contemplating if I was ever a good enough person for them. This all defined the type of person that wasn't appreciative of what she had and always wanted more.

After a long journey of experiencing these events in my life and a breaking myself away from a mentally abusive relationship, I have finally learned what it means to show acts of kindness and recognition to those who genuinely care for me. I wouldn't also have to change myself for them because I trust that their reasons for showing me kindness is only because they respect who I am, not because they expect something they would want for themselves.

Sorry, mom for not appreciating you.