When Things Don't Turn Out The Way You Want

When Things Don't Turn Out The Way You Want

Everything happens for a reason.

This past week, I did the unthinkable. I literally walked up to the guy I have been crushing on and said, “hey, I like you.” (There’s a chance he’s reading this, so hey, sorry you are reliving this now.) Where did I get that confidence, you ask? I am honestly as clueless as you on that. Awkwardness erupted when he didn’t muster a word back. So what did good ole Demi do? Replies with “have a nice day” and walks off. In case you haven’t caught on to the theme yet, I am really good at embarrassing myself- I don’t need someone else’s assistance to do that. Later that night, he asked if we could meet up and talk. (Hallelujah. Things would be really uncomfortable had we left it at the first encounter.)

We set up a time and place and discussed in depth why he wasn’t interested in me. His reasoning was certainly understandable, but you know, I still had to root for myself. So I did. I found a joking (but true) answer for every problem he mentioned in a “you aren’t getting off this easily” way. As the night went on, we discussed our future plans, our families and past, and what made us decide our career paths. We had a natural flow of conversation (at least, I thought we did), and everything (to me) felt so right and comfortable. So of course, once again, I had to root for myself and think that I had a chance still. (I’m really stubborn.)

After parting ways, I texted him to thank him for being a good sport about things, and while I was on the subject, I asked him if I stood a chance or if I should just let the idea go. Here goes the plot twist… He told me that honestly, I should let it go, and at one in the morning, I was crushed. Here is how stubborn I still was. I waited patiently for another text to read something between the lines of “just kidding”, but that text never came through. I thanked him for his honesty and we ended the conversation, just like that.

(Thanks for reading that super long story.)

Obviously, things didn’t turn out the way I had hoped. I thought I was getting this desire of my heart that I had been praying so long for. I thought it was my turn at a relationship. But it wasn’t. Considering how recent this just happened, I don’t know how encouraging the advice I give will really be.

I like to think that everything happens for a reason. It is seriously my life motto. I want to think that the outcome is going to change, but I am learning to accept the fact that it’s not going to. God see’s a bigger plan than I do. While I want to feel pity for myself and have a major cry fest, He already has a bigger purpose in the making. My roommate and best friend told me recently, “Demi, stop trying to be God. You would make a sucky God, so just stop. Let Him be Him and you be you.” That’s what I want to do. Maybe this week happened to teach me something from God, or maybe I tried to be my own God and did this damage to myself.

Recently at my home church, we had a sermon on 1 Samuel 8: 19-22. In this passage, the Israelites decide they want an earthly king instead of their heavenly king. Instead of God condemning them, they end up condemning themselves. God granted them their worldly desire, which in turn, led to their own self-destruction eternally.

I am wondering if maybe God didn’t give me the guy that I wanted for this reason. He didn’t want to give me my worldly desire because He is trying to save me from the path of self-destruction that the Israelites faced. Maybe He does want me to be with this guy but not at this time. Maybe, He wants me to focus more on Him for now to prepare my heart for what’s to lie ahead.

So whether I get the guy or don’t, it’s okay. God has a plan far better than mine. When things don’t turn out the way we had hoped, the best thing to do is to turn to your heavenly Father and say “God, I understand this is your plan. Don’t let me mess it up, but instead, give me an open and accepting heart to what it is.”

Cover Image Credit: Demi Agresta

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved

To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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The Truth About Politics In Religion And How It Affects Our Relationship With God

They don't have to be mutually exclusive.


It's evident that religion can and has been used in politics from the values of voters and leaders. However, to use your religion or your relationship with God for making political decisions doesn't share the same meaning.

I've always loved finding all the best facts and research for argumentative work but I couldn't pursue that approach for this topic. Why? Because I've experienced the pattern in my relationship with God of how God defies logic.

God can't be contained to a definition or explanation. I liked the way I've heard one leader express that, "If you hear someone trying to explain to God as if he knows then he's a fool before he starts talking". That's a paradox within itself.

I've learned more recently to identify that the two sides of the paradox that you might wrestle with in understanding God are both true. That, yes, His hands are big and He knows exactly what to do to make you surrender but you'll also find no greater love than with Him because He has the biggest heart and knows what you need better than you do.

I think that accepting this paradox will differentiate between those that view politics religiously versus those that view it from 'what is God trying to do here'? The one that focuses on seeking 'what is God trying to do here?' would represent those with a relationship with God. This doesn't mean that referencing the laws of God exempts you from having a relationship but the love of God is the strength that sustains the relationship over the law. This is also a bit of a paradox because they're both important in Christianity.

There's the difference from seeing God as one-sided which is very prideful, limiting and incorrect compared to recognizing that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

I believe that what we believe and how we see God will bring limitations or provision on how we can be used in God's plan for His kingdom on earth when it comes to the way the world is run.

God, our relationship with God and the law of God all have to be considered in the things we do as Christians.

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