You are sitting in the middle of your bedroom with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Your phone slopes, half sliding out of your limp hand, half pulling itself onto the carpet. The screen illuminates your face, an eternal expression of shock, hurt, disbelief, or all of the above. We all know this scene almost too familiarly. We all remember the moment when we realize that a friend, a partner, or even a near-stranger turns out to be someone else than who you thought they were.

This is a reminder that their actions are not your responsibility. None of their choices are your fault, no matter what they say to justify their lies. The truth of your situation is that they made choices that did not reflect their true character, and now you know about all of this. As the saying goes, the cards are on the table, and you have just figured out just how much these people were bluffing. At this point, let yourself feel some emotions. Do not try to stuff all of them down, because this will only make you explode into a fit of rage, or they will fester like depression at the bottom of your stomach. Do not let this happen. If you do not let yourself feel these emotions, whatever they are, in the moment that they rise up in your throat and fill your eyes, then you are only hurting yourself more and shooting random shrapnel into people you actually care about.

Now that you have allowed yourself to feel in these moments, it is now time to try to let go. This is the hardest part of it all when you have to remind yourself that this person is not healthy for you anymore. Sometimes, this person means so much to you that leaving them behind seems like trying to get a piano out of an apartment. Believe me, it is possible, and it is necessary for your health. Even if that means a few weeks or a couple of months to let yourself refresh, it is the best way to help yourself in this moment of hurt and betrayal. Do whatever it takes to give you some space from this person. If they keep trying to text you, block their number. If they post on Facebook or Snapchat too much, go ahead and unfriend them, unfollow them, unravel the connection you have to them. Daily reminders like this will only open the wound again. Give yourself time to heal without their presence interrupting the process.

Once you have given yourself time to heal, it is time to begin to try to forgive. Forgive this person for their mistakes. Forgive yourself for believing them. Forgive everyone that has messed up. In this way, you can finally find peace in your past, your present and your future.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Has Done This All Before