I've been back at school for less than a month, and some slightly terrifying habits have already begun to form. I'm overwhelmingly amazed by how easy it is to stop investing in my relationships because I'm too "busy." I'm baffled by the way I can go multiple days without talking to any members of my family and barely notice.
Even more appalling is the fact that I'm somehow convinced this is OK. I make up excuses to compensate for my lack of engagement because I don't want to face the fact that I'm simply not giving priority to what's actually important in life.
"I have too many things to do," seems to be the theme of my life when I'm at school. It's an easy and acceptable excuse for a college student, given that it's mostly honest. Between classes, work, and student organizations, my plate is definitely full. I spend most of my time focused on these things.
Yet, I don't always choose to spend the rest of the time I have in the most beneficial way. Hours upon hours can be spent invested into things, but I often withdraw when it comes time to invest in my relationships.
When it comes to the things that I do, it's easy to feel productive. I know my time has been invested wisely when I can check off a box that says I completed a task, and that task helps me achieve a larger goal. I make lists and lists of all the "stuff" I have to do, then cross each item off as I complete it. Once that list is done, a new one forms and the cycle continues. But the satisfaction of achieving each item never gets old.
In the realm of relationships, however, life isn't so cut and dry. There are no boxes to check or list items to cross off when investing my time into people. Every conversation isn't going to feel like I "accomplished" something. Taking the time to listen to others doesn't always feel like I "achieved" something.
It becomes all too easy to view this time as a nuisance because it seemingly hinders my ability to finish tasks that are "actually" important. Relationships get stuck on the back-burner when I get too focused in on simply getting stuff done.
However, I have started to recognize the value added to my life by truly investing in people. Although I may not see the reward of building relationships in terms of adding to my productivity, I definitely am able to recognize the value in terms of the way strong relationships add to my ability to be productive.
Stephen Covey talks about this concept in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He discusses the importance of a P/PC balance. In short, this principle states that if we focus solely on our production (P) and ignore the very thing(s) that make us capable to produce (PC), then we hinder our ability to produce in the first place.
I've had to take a step back at times to truly evaluate this in my own life. When I feel as if I have all the time in the world and there's not a list of tasks to accomplish sitting in front of me, I'm very intentional and purposeful in taking the time to invest in my relationships. However, as soon as I feel my time is constricted by what needs to get done, relationships get pushed to the side so I can be "productive".
Yet, in most cases, the relationships I have are the very foundation of what drives me to be productive. It is the love and encouragement from the people in my life that fuels my desire to be the best version of myself everyday. The accountability and trust found in others is absolutely vital to my success in everything that I do.
Thus by not giving the people in my life the time and value they deserve, I'm not only hindering my relationships, but I'm also negatively impacting my ability to be as productive as I would like.
Let me say that again:
The very thing that I'm ignoring in order to be productive is the very thing that pushes me to be productive in the first place.
Talk about irony.
I've found that recognizing that this problem exists in my life is an incredible step towards making improvement, though. Since identifying this paradox, I've been able to refocus my efforts from simply what I need to accomplish physically, and emphasize what I need to invest in mentally and emotionally.
I've taken a look at how I view my productivity, and realized that my To-Do list becomes almost completely useless if I'm not taking the time to take care of the relationships that propel my ability "to do" in the first place.
As a result, I have the ability to influence my own bad habits and create something different. I can find time for myself to intentionally and specifically invest in others, knowing that this time is being spent wisely and effectively.
My life doesn't have to be about To-Do lists and check boxes, and can become more about being and experiencing. Which, ironically, makes the time that I do spend on To-Do lists and check boxes significantly more productive.
