Saying goodbye can be hard especially when you haven't had time to comprehend your loss. This story isn’t about death, although saying goodbye then isn’t any easier, instead this story is about saying goodbye when someone you love and value walks out of your life.

I remember it like it was yesterday (probably because at the time of writing this it was yesterday) we were out eating with friends when you made the announcement that you were leaving in order to pursue the rest of your life. You had goals you wanted to achieve and you felt like you had achieved all you could in the position you were in. Ironically the song “You Found Me” by The Fray began to play, you were leaving me and that song will now forever be tainted by this memory.

Everyone knew it was coming, but I thought I had more time. More time to laugh with you, to share inside jokes. More time to stress about deadlines and coming up with new ideas. I thought I could be able to right my wrongs and be a better person, someone you could come to when making big decisions such as this, I could be more understanding when you were stressed. However now I’ll never get the chance.

You said we’d always be friends however I knew that once you walked out of my life I wouldn’t see you again, I would have to go from seeing you three times a week to scheduling lunch if we could. We all know that busy college students do not have time or money to go out to lunch and “catch up” when all were really going to be doing is sitting in awkward silence.

In such a short time I’ve gone through (almost all of) the basic 7 stages of grief. I felt shocked when I heard the news even though I had a feeling it was coming. I was in denial for a quick second, I thought you were playing a joke on me and you would start laughing soon. On the drive home I completely lost it, I jumped from crying to shaking in anger. I decided that since you wanted to leave I would make it easier and never speak to you again. Writing this now I see that this idea was juvenile however a part of me is still planning on going through with this plan. The anger stage lasted the longest, I’ve been known to hold a grudge or two in the past and I have a feeling moving on from this may take awhile.

I skipped past the bargaining stage because once you make your mind up there’s no going back, however the guilt stage hit hard. Was it my fault you were leaving? Had you finally gotten fed up with my attitude? With those questions the depression stage came along, I felt responsible and saddened that you had, in my mind, finally given up.

The last stage is still out of my reach; I have not accepted your departure yet. Time heals all wounds and so I’m hoping in time I can learn to forgive you for leaving me and hopefully rebuild our friendship. Saying goodbye to anyone is hard, saying goodbye to you is impossible.