People don't always get you when you're the tough minded girl with a sensitive heart; trust me, I'm one of those girls.
People see you as the girl who's good with tough love and a good "pep you up" talk, but your friends also know that you may not be the friend to come to when they're crying and simply need a shoulder to cry on. It's not because you're insensitive; in fact, it's the complete opposite.
I act tough and I've made myself believe that I'm tough because I feel emotion so immensely that sometimes, emotions can debilitating for me. I've chosen to be sympathetic rather than empathetic (as much as people hate that sometimes) because it keeps me from getting hurt. The problem is, people sometimes think I don't care or that "I'm just not serious" and that couldn't be further from the truth.
You see, I'm tough because I feel like I have to be. My dad has always taught me to rely on myself first because you can't always depend on others to pick you up when you're down. Though I have friends who have been with me through the good, the bad, and the ugly, I've seen what he means. It was up to me to get myself out of the funk I was in for a while but it was also up to me to make sure I never felt that way again.
I love so deeply that I push people away before they even get a chance to love me. What do I mean by that, you ask? Well, I often say that "he just isn't my type" or "he and I would argue too much" or "he's only after one thing." There's always an excuse, even for the good guys.
I want to love but I'm not ready to let my "tough" guard down. I've been loved and left by so many people that it's become easier to love people from a distance -- to keep my guard up and pretend that I'm tough enough to make it on my own. And though I am, I'm also sensitive enough to know that I'm my own worst enemy.
Being the tough minded girl with the sensitive heart has become a charade that is becoming hard to act out. Sometimes I wish I could just show people how I really feel when they upset me. Sometimes I wish I were a little more sensitive and vulnerable with people so they could see that I'm human and I have real feelings. The deepest, darkest parts of me are unseen by most people in my life and sometimes that's okay - some things should be kept for you only. But, I'm here to challenge you, like I've challenged myself, to be more raw and vulnerable with people - not everyone, but at least the people who have proven they care about you beyond your "tough girl" facade.
It's okay to be tough ... because don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be the girl who lets little to nothing break her down. I'm proud to be the girl that people know they can come to for the strength they need to get through something. I'm proud to be the girl that people don't mess with. But, I also love the parts of me that are sensitive - the times where I break down in the car from listening to a song that has awoken emotion in me that I'd been stifling down for so long; the moments where I let my friends tell me they're proud of me and I actually feel that pride instead of brushing it off; the moments where I finally let someone in enough that my tough mind turns to sensitive soul and for just a moment, people see me for who I really am.
Be the tough minded girl with a sensitive heart - we're unique and special and a friend that everyone should have. You feel more than you let on and sometimes that's exactly how you need to be. Protect yourself first but don't be afraid to let everyone see you, know you, and love you.
