If you think back to right before you left the house last weekend, there is a 75 percent chance you, or one of your friends, muttered the phrase, “I literally have nothing to wear.”
Whenever my friends and I are about to leave for a night on the town or get ice cream on a Sunday night, it’s always a struggle to put together something to wear. You immediately resent buying everything you own and thoughts run through your mind like, “How did I ever think this looked good on me?” or, “I swear this wasn’t as short on Tobi.” Dramatic sighs follow and your bedroom carpet is covered in tank tops.
How you feel about what you’re wearing accounts for more than half of the kind of night you have. For most of us, we feel as good as we look. When you feel confident in your Steve Madden stilettos and BCBG body-con dress, your night can easily transform from mediocre to one to remember or, better yet, not to remember.
At the time, your outfit struggle is real and more frustrating than comical. However, when we think back to those thoughts running through our heads, it’s more than comical how dramatic we make finding something to wear. As we’re shuffling through our closets and throwing expensive clothing items onto the floor, here are some of the crazy thoughts we all have.
1. I, literally, have nothing to wear.
2. Why did I only buy four shirts from Tobi yesterday when there was a 50% off sale?
3. If I went on a strict no-carb diet for the next two hours I could probably wear this dress.
4. Do I look too slutty in it, though?
5. How come I don’t ever remember buying this shirt?
6. I have to stop online shopping when I’m drunk.
7. This definitely makes my shoulders look as broad as Tom Brady’s.
8. I look like I’m drowning in this maxi.
9. Why do I look like I haven’t even hit puberty in this?
10. I would wear that shirt, but one of my chicken cutlets fell off at the club last weekend.
11. I already have a profile picture in this top, which means I actually can’t be pictured in it again.
12. I, literally, only wore it one time -- just so happened to look really cute that day.
13. I should probably just donate it to charity.
14. How did I spend $200 last week at the mall and still hate everything I own.
15. F**k Forever 21’s return policy.
16. I would wear these jeans but I broke the belt loop trying to pull them over my thighs last weekend.
17. My ex is in this frat and I look like Britney Spears, but during her Kevin Federline phase.
18. If I had Britney Spears' stomach during "Hit Me Baby One More Time" phase I could probably wear this crop top.
19. Is it acceptable to still wear a crop top in December?
20. Maybe, if I wear a chunky necklace with this t-shirt it’ll look less casual.
21. Just kidding. This necklace sucks.
22. This doesn’t show any cleavage; why do I own this?
23. Can I wear wedges to a house party or is that trying too hard?
24. I’m so fat and gross.
25. I don’t even want to go, at this point.
26. “Hey, so I just realized I have a really big exam on Monday that I totally forgot about and I don’t know if I can go out anymore...”
27. Do you think she’s going to know I’m just in bed watching Netflix?
28. Cough, cough. "I’m sick.”
