Being a teenage girl is difficult. Such a statement is met with empathetic head nods and low "mmhmm's" from my fellow female young adults. Even at the age of 10 I would have wholeheartedly agreed that being a girl is indeed a challenging experience; at the time I was the only girl in my class to have gotten her period.
The years following my untimely introduction to adulthood I became a cliche: depressed, with low self-esteem, and a serious weight problem. What is so gross about this situation is how my circumstance is the norm. To call it a "cliche" is disrespectful to the millions of girls who were and are living with these problems every day. Now, it pains me to remember that I was once in their place. But I am very thankful to have been there.
I constantly compared myself to every female I made contact with, became hyper aware of my flaws, and promised myself to be "better." I was 12. I can safely say I have bawled in every bathroom in my school at least twice. Therapy was far too expensive, and although I had my family by my side -- a privilege many girls like me don't have -- all of their work and energy made little difference. All the science and math in the world cannot correctly conclude the emotional and physical toll being a teenage girl takes on an actual teenage girl. It leaves a lasting impression that can alter a person's life.
My start in recovery began the day before my prom. I was browsing around Macy's and stopped at a Mac kiosk. Ten minutes later I walked out a new girl. Literally. On my face, I wore a bright red lip that the saleswoman said "brought attention to my cheekbones". As she was applying lipstick, I felt cared for, spoiled even. Never in my life had I worn makeup. Along with the troubles I faced, I had also held the view that makeup is unnecessary and demeaning. I would have never guessed that makeup would change my life.
Here's me at prom feeling like an actual person for once:
After prom, I began wearing red lipstick every day. I would come home from school and immediately put on my makeup. Five minutes made me feel worthy. To me, when my lips are bright red, I am giving myself permission to be whoever I want to be. It is my beautiful war paint and I am ready to battle whatever is in my way. Slowly but surely I began wearing red lips out in public, learning it was a great way to fake the confidence I longed for. Half a year later my collection of lipstick has grown ten fold.
Here's a couple of my absolute favorites (most of them available at drugstores):
Mac (the one I fell in love with)
RevlonMy gateway to happiness was found in a place I detested my entire life, which only makes my healing extra special to me. It is important teenage girls feel powerful in any way, be it from makeup, writing, protesting, or napping. There is a revolution taking place inside every one of us; mine just so happened to start with $17 lipstick.
