Growing up, all I wanted to do was fit in.
It’s silly looking back on it now, but as I watched my two younger sisters go through the same phase I went through (one is currently going through the phase), I see it is an essential part of growing up. It shows us who we are and who we want to be, it makes us vulnerable and it allows us to see people for who they really are. It is a chapter of life I feel was necessary for me. As you grow intellectually, you understand that being different is sometimes a good thing and is more fulfilling than being part of a group. Google Abraham Maslow; he dedicated his life to researching human’s hierarchy of needs. Acceptance is one of the higher necessities.
I couldn’t tell you when my need to fit in started. My earliest memory is when I transferred schools in seventh grade. I quickly noticed the girls at my new school were radically different than the girls from my old school. They were already wearing makeup and there was no uniform, only a simple dress code. I was embarrassed to come to school in my plain khaki pants and simple navy button up. I wanted to wear the name-brand colorful polos, pants and skirts like all the other girls. I begged my mom, and when she finally gave in and let me get the same clothes as all the other girls. I was so happy I was fitting in, but it was a slippery slope. I wanted a phone that had a keyboard like everyone else, I wanted over-sized hoop earrings, I wanted a North Face jacket, I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. The need to feel accepted outweighed everything in my mind in those moments that eventually turned into years.
Looking back now, I see how I have grown from wanting to follow every trend to wearing what I want. It didn’t hit me until college that it was OK to not be like everyone else. The "aha!" moment for me was the day before move-in day when I went in for a routine trim of my split ends at the salon. As I sat down n the chair, I realized only a handful of people would know me at college. I had a fresh start. I could do whatever I wanted. I cut off my stylist’s question of “So what are we doing today?” with “Cut it all off. I want it all gone.” I cannot explain the feeling off watching most of my hair fall to the floor. By the time I was getting my hair styled, my hair was eight inches shorter. I had a pixie cut, which I have had for over two years now. The comments from “It fits your personality so well” to “I wish I was brave enough to do that” meant more to me than many realized. It was liberating, even if it was just hair. But at the time, in a sense, it was freeing.
Group mentality is fundamentally wired in our brains. Like a need for food, water and human contact, wanting to fit in is high on the scale for our basic human needs. We weren't born to all be the same. We were all born different for a reason, and we should accept our differences, because those are what make us, well, us. Some people never get over it, while others learn young. Everyone is different, and everyone learns at their own pace. There isn’t any specific piece of advice anyone can offer, because what works for some may not work for others. It is something everyone must learn in their own time.
