When Home Isn't Home Anymore

I remember reading an article a while ago with a similar topic, and I remember just as well thinking that Grapevine, Texas, where I was born and raised, would always be home to me. I thought that even going off to college, I would still think of the DFW metroplex as my home base, but now, about a month and a half into college, I have almost no connection to my hometown, or at least no feelings towards it. My mom and stepdad have relocated to the Hill Country and I'm at school in San Antonio, and the rest of my family is also in the Hill Country or in Austin. As soon as my mom's move becomes permanent, I won't have any connections in DFW anymore.

I'm headed back to the Grapevine area next weekend and I can't help having this weight on my shoulders making it extremely obvious that I don't live there anymore and I'm no longer part of that community. It feels odd preparing to go back. Sometimes I question if I should be going back. I'm looking forward to seeing the few friends I have left at my high school and spending time catching up on what I've missed, but it's not my home anymore. I've recently caught myself referring to my dorm room as "home," as well as San Antonio in general. It's where my room is, where all my things are. I know many of my classmates don't feel this way yet, and maybe never will. But for me, this is where my friends are, and on the dance floor when I hear a good song, my college friends are who I look for now. I know this is me moving on.

This trip to DFW might be my last one. After this, I'll learn who will make the effort to keep me in their lives and have to make peace when facing that this may be one of the last times I see certain people. Parting ways is difficult, but moving on is inevitable. Typically, it's also for the best.

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