Cheaters are the absolute worst. I never understood why people cheat or how on earth someone would take them back. That was until it happened to me. I became one of those girls that took their boyfriend back, those girls that you and your friends talk about. Here's what I wish someone told me when I was going through it.
The "other girl" isn't the enemy.
When the "other" girl told me my boyfriend had cheated I was shocked. Immediately I tried to convince myself she was lying. She was just jealous, right? He would never do that to me, he loves me.... right? I kept trying and trying to convince myself but the more she said the more sense it made and finally I had to face it. I had been cheated on. At the time I had thought that admitting it happened would be the hardest part, boy was I wrong. It was just the first step in a long heart-wrenching process.
Don't ask everyone for their advice and opinion.
I went to everyone except my boyfriend. I talked to my best friend, my pageant friends, my cousins hell I even talked to coach about it. Maybe I was looking for someone to tell me it never happened or maybe I knew how he would react if I brought it up. Honestly, I'm not sure what I was looking for but whatever it was I didn't find it. Instead, I got pity stares, hugs and lots of angry yelling. None of which helped or made me feel better.
Talk to him about it.
Finally, I realized I had to talk to him, I couldn't avoid it any longer. Here's where I made the second mistake. I called him. I didn't see it at the time but if he really cared about me wouldn't he have been the first one to bring it up. Never the less at 1 am sitting on the floor of my best friends bathroom I picked up the phone and called him. Here's the first thing I heard "what do you want I'm busy".
Now keep in mind he was aware of what this girl told me less than 48 hours earlier and that was how he answered the phone. No hi, are you ok? Nope, instead, he made me feel as if I was in the wrong! Pushing tears back I told him I needed the truth that I needed him, to be honest with me.
No matter what he says it's not your fault.
From our first conversation about him cheating to the last, he always made me feel like the bad guy. He would say if I loved him more or gave him more attention then it wouldn't have happened. At the time in my fragile state, I believed him. He made me believe that I drove him to cheat. Let me tell you something that is a load of bull.
Why he cheated I don't know but what I do know is that it had nothing to do with me. Stop thinking it's cause you weren't enough you are. Him cheated had nothing to do with you and everything to do with his ego and insecurities.
Don't compare yourself to the "other girl".
At night I would lay awake thinking is because she's prettier, funnier, smarter, and on and on until my head would explode. This doesn't do any good. In fact, it's only going to make you go crazier, not because she's better but because you are tearing apart your self-worth. I said this before and I'll say it again him cheating isn't about you. People cheat because they feel like they are missing something in their life. This hole in their life can only be fixed by themselves, not by you or anyone else.
You deserve better.
Lastly and most importantly you deserve better. If you love someone you also respect them. If he cheats on you he doesn't respect you. One day you will find a man who will love and cherish you. Someone who puts you and your needs before their own. Remember this and remember your worth!
