It's buried in your bottom drawer like a relic. To dig it out in response to his plea is to give in, to let him win, to let this night fade into memory just how he had planned. Screw him, he can come dig for it if he wants it back so badly. Or maybe you can pretend that you lost it. Sorry dude, busybodies loses stuff all the time!    

Maybe it is the mere symbolism of the situation, but nothing strikes a nerve quite like when guys with whom things did not work out ask for their clothing back. Personally - and I am sure I'm not alone here - if I am going to put myself in a position where I will be in need of a boy’s sweatshirt, I will have to feel some level of attraction towards the guy that is deeper than just appearance.      

This statement is probably a code red for most frat guys so DISCLAIMER: “deeper level of attraction” DOES NOT mean I’m in love with you. It doesn't even mean I want to be in a serious relationship with you. It just means that I find you cute, interesting, nice and/or funny. I enjoy engaging in conversation with you and I think that you are probably a decent person.   

For this reason, a “sweatshirt night” invokes pangs of that dangerous emotion entitled hope. Sure, all guys are supposedly douche-bags and you might have seen him make out with your friend last week, but you guys talked for so long tonight, about real stuff, that it felt different. Maybe something could come of this, maybe, just maybe, you will be the girl to break his streak. But you wouldn’t dare vocalize these thoughts because you know exactly what your friends will say…   

A few days go by and you don't hear from him, and then a week or so later, you are back on his turf, in his sweaty, sticky, frat basement kingdom, and you find him hooking up with some other chick. You aren’t mad or even sad exactly, you knew to expect nothing, but watching him shove his tongue down another girl's throat does sting a little bit. You feel discouraged not even about him, but at the idea of the existence of decent guys in general.   

And then you are minding your own business, doing homework or eating lunch, not wasting your time thinking about him anymore, and you get the text. Maybe the conversation begins with small talk. Maybe he has the courtesy to ask you how you are doing. And then comes the inevitable question: “Just wondering, do you by any chance have my sweatshirt?”   

So to all guys who have ever sent that seemingly harmless text, this is how we really want to respond:  

Yeah, in fact I do have your sweatshirt/jacket/socks, whatever article of clothing of yours that you really want back! And I never forgot that I had it. But I’m annoyed that you asked for it. Why? Because if I volunteered to give you your sweatshirt back, that would indicate that I was completely over our night and your complete lack of follow through, but since I haven’t done so, you have no business requesting it. You gave it to me, knowing full well your intentions about our nonexistent future, which is really just poor judgment on your part. So I’m gonna give you your sweatshirt back when I freaking feel like it. Which, TBH, might be never. XO!