When God rocks your world…
I have felt like God has rocked my world before… Rather it be a death of someone close to me, not the best news from the doctor's, whatever it may be, it feels like the earth beneath my feet, is shaking and rocking to the extent that I can barely stand.
But I have never felt more rocked by God than I have the last week and a half. My world has been turned completely upside down, I have been changed immensely, God has changed so many things in my life…. And guess what? I couldn’t be happier!
I recently read the book, “Scary Close” by Donald Miller, after a good friend and mentor borrowed it to me, and thought I would benefit it from reading it. If you have not read it, I HIGHLY recommend it. I had possession of it for two weeks before reading it, I didn’t get around it until one day, I picked it up and then couldn’t put it down. It’s the kind of book that grabs your every being, and thought, and makes you want to continue reading to see what the next page is waiting for you to process. (And if you’re anything like me, cry a lot.)
In this book, you will embark on a journey of learning to love who God created and intended you to be, how to love the life and situations you’ve been given. Through the book, you will learn how to submit to others, and not to fear love. Because as stated in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love”.
I first felt like my world had been rocked almost two weeks before receiving this book… Wow, I had no idea how much shaking I was about to go through. It all started from one push from a special friend. “A push off the cliff”. I thought I was about to fall to my death, And at first, I wasn’t flying, I was falling with anxiety and fear weighing heavy on me, but that was only for a few days. Then I began to spread my wings. Through listening to God’s voice, reading the Bible, and books, I quickly realized that I lost myself for several months, and God was about to send me on a journey to find the real me, quickly.
In the book, someone had Donald write three circles encircling one another, The middle one said, “Myself” the one surrounding that said, “Shame”, the final circle surrounding both was things he described himself as… This was the first step to my finding of myself. In my outer circle I wrote, “Victim, Humor, hurt, A fake smile, Intelligence, Offended, People pleaser, Depressed, Inadequate, Tired, Controlling, And Anxious”.
The Intelligence, people pleaser, A fake smile, and Humor was to hide everything else…. Now all the other things, weren’t things that I really was. They were also things that I allowed my mind to perceive that is who I became, as an effort to not show the real me, and being vulnerable... Afraid of rejection.
I drew a new circle on a separate piece of paper. In the middle I wrote “myself” surround that word were words like, “Dreamer, Believer, Independent, Strong, Capable, Joyful, Courageous, Warrior”. Everything that God created me to be. Those are all amazing things to be described as, why in the world would I want to hide that? I guess being hurt, while listening to the enemy who makes you feel like the victim in everything, will cause us to believe all these false “securities”, that aren’t even true. His purpose is to cause us to turn our heads on who God truly created us to be.
This was a quote in the book, “This guy, your inner self, is the part of you that gives and receives love. The outer rings are just a theater.” Anything but what God created us to be, are just masks and costumes we wear as an effort to not let anyone in, because when we do, we wind up getting hurt. But remember, “There is no fear in love”.
I ended up almost losing my identity, by putting it in another human’s life. That’s the costume I wore, this friend. But this quote also from “Scary Close”, describes everything I’ve learned in the past two weeks, “We both have our independence and freedom, but we have those thing with each other. When two people are entirely and completely separate, they are compatible to be one.” Listen to this part, “Nobody’s self-worth lives inside of another person. Intimacy means we are independently together.” My self-worth is in Christ, He is my identity now. How free I feel!
Maybe you are feeling some of the things I was... lost and confused. I encourage you to take off whatever costumes you are wearing, and don’t be afraid to show the world who God created you to be. The beautiful, genuine you. And please do not place your identity in the hands of another human being, No one deserves that level of power, except God. And if they truly love you, they don’t want to be the one who carries your identity.
To the friend who dropped it all, and said “Find your true identity” The one who pushed me off the cliff, knowing I was ready to fly, Thank you! I’m souring in life, but free-falling in the love of Christ.
God, thank you for rocking my world. It was through the shaking, and chaos, that I threw my masks off, and remembered who you created me to be. And oh the peace I am left with now, after the earthquake.
It’s with that I leave you with this, “It’s in Christ that we found out who we are and what we are living for… Part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone.” Ephesians 1:11-12
You are loved. You are enough. You are capable. You are beautiful. You were made for more. Now go and be the you, the best you, that you can be, the you God created you to be. Because that you, is flawless….
