I don't really know what went wrong in our friendship. It really breaks my heart that were in the place were in. But I guess thats life. It's a hard idea to settle with… That you're not my friend anymore. Sometimes it still doesn't seem real. Sometimes I feel like your name will just pop up on my phone and everything will go back to normal. I know that won’t happen though. And even if your name does pop up on my phone it'll never be the same. It’s hard to say that and believe this though. But, somewhere deep down I know that everything happens for a reason.
No matter what happens in my life I know that I would never trade the memories we had for new ones. I truly value what was our friendship. It’s hard to think now that things could ever be the same. But the fact of the matter is were growing and changing. There’s so much more to learn in our lives, best friends or not. We’ve both got a new set of friends and new priorities. And I guess were not each others priority anymore. I find myself questioning what we had a lot. But in the long run I know you cared about me at one point or another. And a part of me thinks you still do, because I certainly still care about you. Growing up changes people and it changed our relationship and that’s okay.
The more I've lived the more I've learned about how to be a friend. And just because your best friends with someone and your friendships seems indestructible, it doesn't always mean it is. Loosing a friend sometimes feel like loosing someone literally. Obviously this doesn't compare with the kind of hurt you feel when someone dies, but man, it does hurt.
To me part of my college experience has been loosing old friends and making new ones. And I'm okay with that. By not being friends anymore I've been forced to reach out to others. I know that in college I HAVE to make friends. I don't have the safety net of you to fall back on anymore. And thats made my current friendships stronger.
So thank you for the fun, for the laughs, for the memories. Thank you for pulling me out of my comfort zone when it needed it. Thanks for giving me an extra push at the right time. But mostly thank you for making me realize that it is NOT my fault that friendships fall apart. There isn't anything I could have done to make you stay by my side and I'm okay with that. I do wish you could have been the one standing next to me at my wedding. You wont be, and that’s okay. Someone else will take that place and thats okay too. Yes I'm hurting, yes it’s hard, but it'll all be okay in the end.
And to my current best friend. Thank you for everything you've done to help me heal from loosing this friendship. You’ll truly never know how much it means to me. It means the world that you understand what I'm going through and why and how I'm hurting. I love you so much. I didn't think i could get so close with someone so fast and I'm so grateful for it… one last thing, Will you be my bridesmaid? ;)
