As I have grown up in a small community where everyone knows each other, the land marks never change, the judgement is intense, and if you don't leave while you're young you find yourself sucked into the surroundings with no way to escape. I always knew I wanted more for myself; I always knew there was a part of me that I had yet to come in touch with. I longed to adventure on my own, forced to find this missing piece that would make me whole.

Moving away from my norm of existence was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life, but as I look back on the decision now, I have never been more proud of myself. I can sit in silence some days and feel every inch of my body in an instant; I can close my eyes and listen to my heart beat and know that I am sincerely happy with myself; there is no materialistic object or price tag that could make this feeling any better.

I love taking time out of my day for myself; I love self indulging in my own interests and finding new things that bring me joy. But I love most of all love that I do not need the assistance of others bring me happiness.

I'm not sure when it all changed; when I learned that I found my missing piece. There was never a eye opening moment or unbelievable situation that I have to remember as the incident that changed my life. It was a domino effect. Little by little every day I grew stronger and closer to my true self. This was a choice, not a coincidence.

Have you ever been in a car during a terrible rain storm and then driven under a bridge to where all the rain suddenly stops for a moment? And during this moment you can hear the radio clearly and see in front of you without needing the assistant of the windshield wipers? This was my life. Driving into a safe zone, away from the distraction and confusion that the sky tried to throw my way. I was whole.

I am the kid in the pool who has chosen bravery over arm floaties. The one who would rather fail trying rather than staying safe and never knowing my true potential. I am fearless; and not one person on this earth can take that away from me.

I wanted this for myself, everyone should thrive to better themselves for the soul purpose of being a better version of you. But I also made my dream a reality for the people who have tried to ruin my self esteem and bring me sorrow in the past. To those toxic people I hope I reflect a light from my smile that radiates and tells you that I am unbreakable now.

I am fearless and I am whole.

Sincerely,

the girl who was once lost