In the past year or two I've become ridiculously aware of how many people I know who are getting engaged, married and/or having children. Every other time I log onto a social network I'm bombarded with said images, and while I'm not saying that I'm not happy for the ones I know taking the plunge and settling down, it feels like it's become an epidemic, and everyone has been drinking the Kool-Aid except me.
I can't deny the fact that for the last couple of years every time I see a baby I secretly say to myself, "I want one." I always tend to feel certain way when another person I know announces their pregnancy or engagement. The process goes something like this:
- A very brief moment of self-pity because it's not me.
- The "Ew, enough already, it's too much... nothing is that perfect" PUKE phase.
- Awareness that this could all just be my womanly hormones and my telling said hormones to kindly eff off.
- Contentment in the fact that I have other things going on, other plans and goals and I'm in this pursuit of something phase, but it certainly is not about getting hitched and knocked up.
All that said, the time that really took me by surprise was when my best friend from grade school told me she was pregnant. I never gave much thought about which one of us would become a mother first and, honestly, I didn't think it would happen so soon. It seemed like she had just told me that she and her boyfriend at the time were trying to get pregnant; then there it was, official. I was truly happy for her when she told me the news because I knew that's what she wanted, but there was a hint of jealousy when everything just fell right into place. Her boyfriend became the fiancé, they bought their first house together, and while waiting for the baby to arrive she started making a home.
As I went up north for her baby shower not too long ago and spent the night in her and her fiancé's new home, I couldn't help but think that this is what it's supposed to be like: "I only have so many good years to become a mother." The problem is finding a decent guy to do so with.
Yeah right, I think what bothered me the most is how my relationship with my best friend was about to change. She will always be my best friend, but a mother first, and she will make new mommy friends because I haven't gained that title and responsibility yet. This means even fewer nights of partying because they will be traded in for poopy diapers and family time and the challenge of finding a babysitter.
It's bittersweet. Although, my relationship with by best friend will change, and sometimes, I admit, I do think about having babies and getting married, really, I'm still excited about my future -- the one without screaming babies or a promise and signed piece of paper that I've vowed my life to someone "'til death do us part."
More marriages nowadays end up in divorce. so I've vowed to myself that when I say, "I do," it will be the first and the last time, and I'm just not there yet.
For now, I still have my freedom and a lot less responsibility than those who are getting married and having babies, and I am completely good with all that -- for the time being.
