Hi, I’m Juliana. I’m nineteen years old, love the colors purple and green, and hate cliques. Big cliques, small cliques--why can't we all just be friends? It doesn’t help that I’ve spent most of my educational career at small schools, where impenetrable boundaries between friend groups are all the more evident.
If you know me, then you know that I’m a pretty friendly person! I enjoy knowing a lot of people. If I had a nickel for every time a friend told me (either in awe, or, more commonly, annoyance at me getting stopped by a lot of people in the cafeteria) that I “just know everybody”, I would be set for life.
I also am very much independent and would rather do my own thing, especially if I disagree with group culture (for better or for worse). Being stuck to one "crew" often conflicts with this aspect of my personality. While having a small number of deep, intentional friendships is something that I value, I also don't see the harm in knowing a lot of people, and never understood why people wanted to limit themselves to one small social circle.
C'mon, people! You don't have to be best friends with every person you meet, not at all--that would be ridiculously draining. But would it really kill you to be willing to say hi to someone you wouldn't normally hang out with? Do you have to look at me like I have a third eye just because I smile at you but am not part of your small group of friends?
Obviously, people with less outgoing personalities might not appreciate talking to a lot of people, which is fine. But I just want to encourage everyone to not be closed off when others reach out to them, because there really is value in broadening your social horizons.
I went to a small high school (40-odd in my graduating class), where everyone knew their place in the social schematic of friend groups. Among us girls, it was pretty polarized: you were either in one group or the other. We all got along really well (and still all spend a week on the lake together each summer), but at the end of the day, you just didn't venture outside of your circle.
Though I love and appreciate my best friends to death, I always was discouraged by the unwritten rules that kept us from transcending our borders into the haven of strengthened community. There were some girls in the other friend group whom I was particularly close to, counting them among my closest friends and confidantes. I was much closer to them, in fact, than I was to some of the girls in my own friend group (not counting my best friends)! However, when we were at school, we pretty much stayed in our separate circles.
When I got to college, I branched out a ton. If I were to make a list of my closest college friends, they would not all be members of the same group. Some are from my hall. Some are from class. Some are coworkers or those I've participated in different organizations with. I love that! By having multiple #squads, you get to get to know a lot of different people. Yes, this gets annoying when it comes time to choose who to sit with at homecoming. But finding a place to sit in the cafeteria is never a problem!
Having a clique isn't always bad. In high school, it was nice knowing that I had a home among my friends. At the end of the day, it was always going to be the same core girls supporting each other. Our rigidly defined group meant that once you were "in", you were "in". Each of us brought something to the table: we had our crazy, fun one, our lovably dramatic one, and our paranoid, quirky one (yours truly), among others. However, I started to realize that I was always going to be the Juliana that showed in the context of our group dynamic, and that is what made me want to branch out a lot in college.
As the years have progressed, I've realized that cliques are inevitable. It's human nature to pick people with whom you connect and share common ground. Finding your niche is important, and it's totally fine to be drawn towards those you share interests with. I just want to challenge you to be accepting of other people, and to not be afraid to say hi to someone new. Don't walk around acting like you're too cool to include others who might want to get to know you. Nothing is more discouraging than befriending someone really awesome but knowing that you don't run in the same circles, so you won't get to spend a lot of time together. Obviously, you shouldn't try to force a relationship where none exists; however, it is good to go beyond your same group and experience the diversity God has planted in His flock.
