We were inseparable, my best friend and I. We’d known each other since elementary school and we hung out all the time. In fact, some teachers even thought we were related because we spent so much time together. We had a plan to travel the world together. We wanted to get accepted to the same colleges and be roommates. We had our whole lives mapped out and we were only high-schoolers.

Then one day she came to me and sat me down and told me she had to tell me something. I was nervous at first, was she ok? Was there something wrong with her, or with her family? She reassured me that nothing was wrong, in fact, it was quite the opposite. She met a guy she really liked and they had started dating.

At first, I was ecstatic. She told me that he made her feel very happy and special, and that’s all I wanted for her. I didn’t know him personally, but she spoke about him as if he was the greatest guy in the world. So I believed her.

We went about our lives, planning more trips and taking sporadic road trips on the weekend. Nothing had changed. Until one day I noticed she was wearing a new jacket. I asked her where she got it, and she said it was her boyfriend’s. I didn’t think that was odd. Many boyfriends give their girlfriends their jackets.

Then she started to wear it every day. She wouldn’t take it off. I noticed that she started doing her hair differently. She talked about him all the time. In fact, the only conversations we ended up having were conversations about him.

He called her every day. We’d be hanging out and she would get a call from him and end up talking for hours. Already I was beginning to feel like a third wheel, and I hadn’t even met him yet.

When I finally did meet him, he didn’t seem interested in me at all. He just cared about her and barely even said hello to me. I felt awkward, but she seemed happy with him so I didn’t really complain.

I don’t know exactly when I realized that our relationship had drastically changed, but I did. We weren’t hanging out nearly as much and when we did get together, the conversation seemed awkward. It’s like we were sitting there having a conversation but her boyfriend was invisibly in the room, staring at me and reminding me that she would rather be hanging out with him than me.

So one day I told her. I believe that honesty is important in a relationship. I told her that I saw how she was changing because of him. I told her that I still wanted to be friends, but it just seemed like she wasn’t trying as hard anymore. And she just stared blankly back at me. She hadn’t even realized that she was pushing me away. She told me that she didn’t do it on purpose, and I believed her. So we hugged and made up and everything was good…except it wasn’t.

We continued to drift apart until we just stopped talking all together. School was just about to end and we were all going off to different colleges and I realized that I probably wouldn’t talk to her again. It made me sad, remembering all the good times we spent together, but I also realized that I didn’t want to be friends with someone who didn’t want to be friends with me.

So I’m writing this not just to recount a memory, but because I know this has happened to many people. When people start dating, they often push their other friends out of the way, intentionally or not. So if you’ve been in this situation, here’s the advice I have for you. Let them know how you feel. Let them know that you respect the fact that they’re dating this person, but that you also don’t want their boyfriend or girlfriend to come in between you.

If it just doesn’t seem like they want to be friends with you anymore, that’s okay. We all have the power to make choices, and they’ve made theirs. Don’t focus on being angry towards them. Instead, just talk with them and see what they think about the situation.

And although I lost one of my best friends, I’ve gained so many more. I still think about her sometimes and I feel sad because of the ruined relationship, but I don’t dwell on it. I’ve moved on. And since then I’ve met some of my very best friends that I know I’ll keep for a lifetime.