If you are the oldest sibling or even just an older sibling, you probably have had to help take care of your younger sibling or siblings at some point. I have four younger brothers that always need help because of their autism so I know I have definitely have had to take on more responsibility when it comes to them. Being an older sibling makes you the first in line to pick up the slack when your parents cannot (or will not). It is not a job that any of us actually want, but we don’t always have a choice.
Sometimes we are given parents that can not handle the responsibility or just do not want to handle it which puts us in a position where we have to become them. We cook, clean, help with homework, pay for things, etc. Most of the time our younger siblings come to rely on us entirely. That dependency makes leaving that responsibility to our parents almost impossible. We are emotional torn between doing what we feel is the right by taking care of them and what is normal which is letting our parents take responsibility like they should. Most of us never relinquish the role of parent for fear of our parent or parents not stepping into that role. We are burdened with the role of the role of the parent figure because of our role as the older sibling.
For me, being an older siblings has meant providing support not only in a physical sense, but in an emotional and sometimes spiritual sense. When I started going to church I went alone. My parents did not go regularly, as I got older they didn’t go at all and still don’t. I could never come home and ask them the questions I had about God and the Bible. I had to learn the best I could from church and on my own. As I got older and my brothers got older I encouraged them to come to church with me because I knew how important it was. I knew that even if they didn’t understand what they were being taught, they needed to hear about Jesus. I was so excited when at least one of my brothers really got into learning about God. He goes to youth group at least once a week and gets to hear and learn so much. Now I know if he ever has questions that I can answer them or try to help them understand who God is and how much they mean to Him. I have to support them spiritually as well as grow on my own which is a huge load to take on for anyone.
As the older sibling you have to also provide emotional support. If your parent or parents are unwilling to take care of their children the way they should then it goes without saying that they are not really the emotionally supportive. In that case, we also need to provide that as well. When your younger sibling feels sad, angry, or don’t know how they feel you are there to help them. If they are being bullied, or think they are in love, whatever they need. You helped them emotionally by telling them things will be alright or just listen to them. If they are crying then maybe you end up doing something like dancing with them in the kitchen until they have calmed down Having parents who do not give you attention can be emotionally crippling and especially hard for younger kids who do not understand why mommy won’t hug them or why daddy keeps telling them to get lost. We have a huge job to do when it comes to the emotional well being of our siblings. It’s hard to do a job that you have had no training for, but the thought of most of us in this situation is “If not me then who”.
Being an older sibling has always had pros and cons, but I don’t think any of us had this kind of thing in mind. We kind of just realized what our situation is and are doing our best to adapt and survive it. After a while, our life revolves around taking care of our siblings and it becomes normal for us. We then have a hard time understanding that we should not have to be the parent figure, but it is all we know. So here is to all the siblings who have stepped up when they didn’t need to, but cared enough to do so anyway. It won’t be like this forever. Stay strong!
