What it's like living with Anxiety
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

​Anxiety Is An Overwhelming, All Encompassing Feeling—But I’ll Be OK

"You don't need a diagnosis to validate your feelings"

106
​Anxiety Is An Overwhelming, All Encompassing Feeling—But I’ll Be OK
Fatima Cuenco

My blood rushes. My head spins. My heart drops then beats fast as it tries to revive. A million thoughts/worries rush through my head. I never thought anxiety could ever apply to me until university, where experience (as opposed to textbooks) became the learning tool.

I thought whatever feelings I had were nothing, that they were something maybe but only momentarily. They were things I couldn't pinpoint exactly, as if typing them out or trying to talk to a psychologist suddenly made them quiet. It sucked because I knew there was something not quite right, but I had difficulty talking it out. I invalidated them with the thought that maybe they weren't anything at all, that I can solve them just by ignoring them. I only learned the definition of anxiety, and this was enough for me to tell myself that I wasn't having anxiety. There did, however, come to a point when I started to worry that maybe I was wrong. It wasn't apriori knowledge; but even if the psychological definition or some stories didn't apply to my case, this was something I had to accept.

The thoughts inhibited me from doing a lot of things. They're trying to stop me from telling my story right now, actually! They're telling me that I'll be judged, that I'm just overreacting, that these feelings really aren't anything. I'm just gonna keep typing, though, because mental health is real; and if something doesn't feel right, you talk about it. I can be pretty mean to myself, and I need to not do this, ya feel? I've never been vocal about my mental health, most likely because I only had textbook knowledge about mental health before then. I didn't think these would happen to me; however, reaching university saw me being more aware of myself. You can say that I was surrounded with optimism, but this generalization does not take away the fact that we face negativity. Too many details come into play; but to put it simply: I was not okay.

I consider myself as this bubbly and extroverted person; but of course, life isn't always this way. It's that feeling of being stressed about the stress- that anxiety flooding my mind with so much worry- that drove me crazy. During those times, I can't just say that I should prioritize me over my studies. It's easy for me to advise my friends to take care of themselves, but to be honest, I have a hard time complying with it. The anxiety tells me that if I don't study for all the minutes of the day, I won't do well in my classes. If I sleep, I'm wasting time. If I choose to take a break and breathe, I'm wasting time. That voice accounts for the fact that I have a hard time concentrating, but it twists it in a way that berates me for- you guessed it: wasting time.

Basically, I feel like I'm running out of time when midterms/papers due dates are approaching, then I become mean to myself. In a way, this thing makes it difficult to accept that I am human first. It's actually, sort of present right now, as I'm typing. There is, however, this being in me that's suppressing this voice. It's the one that told me that creativity was my thing. It's reminding me to be kind to myself; of my faith; and to look at the list of quotes I've taped up on the wall. I'm looking at one of the quotes, which reads, "do not be afraid, I am with you." Take it how you'd like; but for me, I see it as God talking to me. It's wild how fast this calmed me down. I'm wrapping myself in a blanket and sweet music, and I'm breathing. (Mom, I'm fine. I swear!)

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

19886
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

947683
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

124163
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments