This past week has been filled with "Why God?" Sometimes, I feel like my whole life is filled with them. I've sat at my computer the past week, trying to write this article but stopping each time because I didn't think there was any possible way to put into words what has been going on in my head or put into words what I've seen in the last week.
When things get rough, you start questioning God. You wonder why good things happen to bad people. You wonder why some lives are taken and some lives are spared. You realize that no matter how much good someone does in the world, sometimes life just isn't fair.
You sit in a chapel with your arm around one friend and squeezing the hand of the other person sitting beside you, because someone has to. You make eye contact with your best friend across the room, seeing their eyes filled with tears and mouth "I love you," hoping it will give them something to hold on to.
You hold those people close, wondering why God would let this happen, why He would let them go through this pain and knowing that no matter what you say, nothing will change what has happened.
You can't stop yourself from hugging your friends and telling them you love them every time you leave the room because you never know when the last time will be the last. So, you squeeze them a little tighter without even realizing it.
You see people who you never thought would break down, in tears, and you break a little with them because you can physically feel the pain that's pouring out of them. You see the stages: confusion, realization, denial, doubt, and even anger.
And every single time you see it, every single time, you just want to take that pain away from them and put it on yourself, you're wondering in your head "Why, God? Why would you let this happen?"
But eventually you realize. You realize the good that people have in the world. You realize that there are just some people who deserve more than what this world has to offer. You realize that one person is like a small ripple in the water. They grow and grow and grow, affecting everyone that they touch. You realize that communities come together and support one another in the tough times, even people you've never spoken to before.
It still doesn't stop you from questioning God. But God doesn't need to be questioned. He knows His plans even when we don't understand them at all.
I know I don't understand completely. And I know that I probably never will. But what I do know is that I won't miss a chance to tell someone I love them. I know I won't ever not hug a friend when they go to leave, even just for a few hours.
So, hold each other tight. You never know that the last is the last until after it's come and gone.
