Fear of self-sabotage is self-sabotage.

My kindergarten teacher once told my parents that I "live in a fantasy world" and am "too much of a dreamer" during a parent-teacher conference. Had my parents or I adhered to that notion, I might not have written this thing. I might not have gone to school for what I have wanted to do since I was that age. I might not have allowed myself to live for the talents I've been given. With that being said, fuck that lady, and fuck what anyone ever tells you in terms of who you are or what you can do. Be who you are, do what you dream of, and never apologize for it.

You don't need money to dress better than you do.

Carpets are like your memory. While some things that end up on the carpet are easily sucked up, never to be remembered again, other things stay put, and no amount of OxiClean™ (Vodka) or hard scrubbing (deep prayer) will eliminate them. Shit happens. Quite literally sometimes.

Think fast, walk faster. No, seriously. If you don't pick up the pace, I can and will destroy a nerve in your ankle with my heel. If there aren't nerves in your ankle, I'm prepared to sound like an idiot. What I'm trying to say is, stay out of my way.

My mother was born into a family of vices. Alcoholism, crack, abuse, destruction, you name it, she's lived it. But she also survived it. Realizing there was not only something better out there, but something worth fighting for, my Mom chose to fight. She bussed tables, scrubbed floors, studied, babysat, did anything to get anywhere but the small town that could only see her as the product of white trash and bad decisions. And it paid off. A few years later, visiting home after her first year at Russell Sage College, she saw her guidance counselor who had once told her that "she may as well not even bother applying there" since "she could never get in let alone afford" somewhere like Sage. When he asked if she was enjoying Columbia-Greene, the small community college he'd expected her to attend, she corrected him and replied, "I'm actually going to Russell Sage, no thanks to you." If no one else believes in you, believe in yourself. You are your own best advocate.

Keep your friends close, but your dogs closer. That sounds a bit like one of those weird motivational pillows or signs you see in Bed, Bath, and Beyond or your Aunt Robin's living room, but it's true. You have many worlds with many people and things in them, but you are your pup's whole world. Treat them with care always.

No whining. Self-pity has never been and never will be attractive.

Real friends aren't necessarily the ones holding your hair back as you're upchucking raspberry flavored poison. Sometimes they just don't want your puke on their shoes or are too gone to remember bitching you out in the bathroom earlier. Real friends call you a dumbass, and drag you to the shower to repent.

In the front yard of my grandparents' house in the Catskills, there is a small, gray stone in the ground engraved, "Hit it where it lies". It's a golf term, meaning wherever your ball ends up on the course, you have to find some way to make a good and effective swing from there. Golf is pretentious, but nonetheless, the phrase makes sense. Sometimes in life, you make a bad swing, you end up in a water hazard or the bunker. But you have to keep swinging.

The word pretentious became pretentious when an incredibly pretentious individual decided it wouldn't sound pretentious to say the word pretentious. And this, you see, is why we can't have nice things, or nice words.

Nostalgia's a helluva drug.

As someone with a lot of friends in different social circles, who also isn't trying to sound like a dick, there is truly something cool you can learn from someone that you didn't know before. Everyone's an expert in something. Whether it be Conspiratology or Cosmetology or Cosmology, everyone has something special to give. You just have to keep open ears.

Self-care is not selfish, it's responsible. Why wear the leather boots if you don't keep them polished?

High School isn't actually that hard. But it is hard not to get caught up. Caught up in people, caught up in ill-fitting clothes, caught up in escaping, caught up in being perfect. Keeping your head on straight is difficult. There are too many distractions, not enough time, too many emotions, not enough sleep. But if you can remember yourself, remember what you want, and remember what's important, you can make it out with minimal scarring.

You never have nothing to lose. In fact, you have everything to gain.

Blondes may have more fun, and brunettes may have more brains, but redheads have more everything :)

People love being watched, but they hate being seen.

Money can buy happiness. For $30.74, I can buy an Eggroll, a pint of Chicken Lo Mein, a pint of Wonton Soup, a bottle of ginger ale, and the entire first season of The Sopranos on DVD. I can't think of a sweeter existence.

Stop waiting for him to snap you. Stop hanging out with people that don't care if you're there or not. Stop waiting to be yourself. Stop bitching at your mother. Stop waiting for Donald Trump's head to implode. Stop using the wrong shade of foundation. Stop waiting to be better. Stop eating zoodles. Stop waiting for your life to happen to you. Time is too short, and the world is too big to turn your back on what it offers us all.