After three months of keeping my nose to the academic grindstone, I'm back and bitchier than ever, guys! No seriously. I'm furious, people.

This week, I took my brother to see "Alien: Covenant" and what should have been a good time was instead draining. Make no mistake, the movie itself is fine, so why am I so mad?

During the movie, there were two people two rows behind us, audibly talking about unrelated matters. I turned around and politely told them to be quiet, but even that didn't stop them. They just kept yammering. I didn't want to make a scene, but it took everything in my power not to chuck my popcorn at them. I spent a good portion of the movie face-palming in between graphic death scenes.

This obviously isn't the first time this has happened. Last year, we saw "Finding Dory," and there were some terribly misbehaved kids there, yelling and kicking seats, with one parent on their phone for the entire movie. Of course, "Finding Dory" is a heartwarming family film while "Alien: Covenant" is an grim bloodbath, so perhaps that's a false equivalency. An R-rated film is less likely to be a darkened Chuck E. Cheese's. For that reason, I prefer seeing PG-13 and R-rated movies at the theater because it's less of a glorified daycare center than typical Disney fare, but apparently good manners and consideration of others know no film rating.

I must ask, what happened the good old days when manners were actually cool? Why am I only 22 years old and longing for the “good old days?” I’m 22 for God’s sake. What good old days could I possibly reminisce on, watching "Arthur" and "Zoom" on PBS after school?

I don’t know about kids today, but if I acted out in a movie theater (or any public place) as a kid, my parents would actually discipline me instead of just let it slip as a “kids being kids” quirk. What a concept, huh?

I recognize that legally, children under 17 are allowed to see R-rated movies with a parent or guardian. That's fine, but those kids are typically in their pre-teens or teens. I'm talking about small, impressionable children who can't quite grasp what an ugly place the world can be.

Parents: the cinema is not a daycare center. I don’t give a single, solitary crap about your precious little angels. I have yet to see you bring your precious little angels to an R-rated movie for some BS reason like "they're more mature than other kids" or "they can handle it," but when that day comes, mark my words, you're going to hear about it!

As for cell phones, you may not think it’s a big deal because there’s a giant screen with a movie playing against it. People must be glued to it, right? Well, it’s way more distracting than you think. People around you are quicker to notice that tiny LED screen in the palm of your hand than you give them credit for, and it’s entirely selfish and inconsiderate. It is not fair to people who paid to see the movie.

You’re not being asked to amputate your arm. You’re being asked to refrain from using your phone. Simple as that. If you can’t go for two hours without using your phone, maybe the movies isn’t the place for you.

Also, what kind of example are you setting for your kids? If not your kids, kids around you? Certainly not a good one. You know, the fact that I’m not even a parent myself and I’m putting you on blast for this kind of stuff speaks volumes about our culture today.

Let me put it to you this way: how would you feel if you put hours of hard work into a school project and the audience kept talking and texting as you presented it? You'd be pretty pissed, wouldn't you? Well, actors and film crews put in hundreds of thousands of hours to bring you a typical Hollywood film. It would behoove you to show some respect.

If not for you, please do it for others: please silence your phone and yourselves, and enjoy the show.