What do you do when the music stops and the DJ is calling for everyone to leave? The usual "You can go anywhere, but you can't stay here," comes zooming through the speakers, sending painful stings though your already dizzy head. The lights cut on, and you look up, wondering if you truly are seeing four people there or if it's the double vision. Soon to realize you are standing there alone, and you manage to sneak off to the bathroom. At this point, you are standing there staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror of some bar wondering about something. You can't quite seem to chase this thought that's running though your mind. You know it's sinking to your stomach, and you soon start to feel empty.
What do you do when you are finally in your bed, lights off and your TV becomes some non-audible noise in the background? When you are laying there, reaching out for something that's not really there. You are all alone, and that moment doesn't seem to be what you really want to do. You end up getting up, grabbing the keys and shooting a quick, "I'm coming over," text to someone whose bed you shouldn't be crawling in, after all.
Chasing whatever or whoever hurt you might have driven you to reach for that bottle you keep on the top shelf because that's what seems to be the easiest way to hide the emptiness. It's not hurt; it's not like we are still wrapped up in some past moment or running away from any problems that might occur. It's a feeling we are suppressing. It's our own depression we face day to day. We all find it in different ways. One might have everything they want surrounding –– all the finer things in life money can buy –– but they still can't fill the empty void. Having the biggest community of friends and family couldn't achieve it. Having the most amazing significant other cant add up to what's missing.
What do you do when you run to the bathroom during a family reunion to key bump the good stuff, because the smoke has settled in your mind and you start to feel again? Your mind starts to race back. There they come –– the little yous in your own mind to throw a blanket over you feelings. The head rush starts and you zoom out of the bathroom, looking for a way to keep the rush keep going. Before you know it, you are helping Aunt Tracey set the table, but you've never set the table in your life.
What do you do when you've eaten a whole box of Chips Ahoy! cookies, as well as being pretty sure you've seen "One Tree Hill" for the nineth time? Sitting in the dark, wondering when you will ever find your own Lucas after you've been Peyton and missing something for so long. Out of no where you start crying, because you truly do start to believe that nothing will happen to you too. The black tears start falling off your face, staining the oversized tee you've obtained from some one.
What do you do when you've chosen to hide your hurt, but no longer seems to help?
